


Rip Me Open (and all you'll find is blood)

by jainasolosgirlfriend



Series: As Memories Fade [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types
Genre: Drama, F/M, Politics, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-07-03 23:43:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 38,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15829344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jainasolosgirlfriend/pseuds/jainasolosgirlfriend
Summary: As galactic tensions continue rise, loyalties get mixed up and old bonds are broken in favour of new ones. In the mix of it all, Jaina is forced to confront the darkness of her past while Jacen embraces the darkness of his future.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for the patience as I tried to sort myself and this out! This part was hard to write as I delved deeper into the topic of mental health a little deeper as well as the ramifications and the reality of certain controversial things that happened in the past (in my AU of course). So, it's a little heavy at certain points but I will place warnings before the chapters that contain anything that can be distressing, or even just hard pills to swallow. Also, I can't ever decide (gemini problems) whether i prefer the word fuck or kriff so I use them interchangeably. Anyway...let's goooo

Jaina thought that seeing Jacen again would make her feel happy- that it would solve some of the family’s underlying issues. But seeing Jacen now filled her with an anger that she wasn’t aware she had. She was terribly angry that Jacen had left them- that he’d left her.

She stepped closer to her twin and was glad that the rest of the family was allowing her to get her word in first. “What was that?”

She was referring to how he’d just grabbed Jag’s arm like that- and Jaina hadn’t been above enhancing her hearing to get what he’d whispered to Jag. Jacen didn’t look as ashamed as he would have in the past. Jaina took it to mean that he really wasn’t the same.

“You all know what he’s responsible for,” Jacen replied and his gaze settled once more on his daughter who stood back, holding onto Luke’s leg. Jacen’s face softened as his feet took him to her, kneeling down before her.

Luke’s hand patted Allana on the back, encouraging her to go to him. She took a single step, unsure of what to do next. Jacen smiled, and Jaina was relieved to sense his love for his daughter- she wasn’t relieved that she couldn’t sense anything else from him.

“Hi, Allana. I’m your father,” Jacen said and the little girl instantly burst into tears as she wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face into his chest. Jaina softened at the sight and she felt the relief flowing through the room.

Allana pulled back, a big smile on her face despite the tears. “I missed you so much, daddy.”

Jacen held her cheeks as he took a good look at his daughter. “So did I. You’re so much bigger since I last saw you.”

Jaina frowned. Tenel ka told them that Jacen had never met Allana. Clearly she had lied about some things.

Allana nodded. “Grandma and grandpa say I get bigger every day.”

Ben’s excitement had been building up in the Force and he could no longer keep himself quiet as his mother had asked him to. “Do you remember me, Jacen?”

Jacen, his hands still cupping his daughter’s cheeks, looked over to his cousin. “Of course I do, Ben. I missed you too.”

Ben wiggled from out of his mother’s grip and moved over to him. “I didn’t know Amelia was your daughter.”

Jacen gave him a soft smile, removing one hand to rest on Ben’s shoulder. “She is. But everyone calls her Amelia to keep her safe.”

“Oh, I get it.” Ben turned to look at his parents. “I could have kept the secret.”

Luke smiled down at his son. “I know, but the less people who know the better.”

Jacen lifted Allana into his arms as he stood. “We won’t need to keep secrets anymore.”

Han moved over to his son, patting him on the back- hard. “Son, you really left a bit of a mess for us to clean up.”

Jacen at least had the decency to look apologetic. “I know, I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to be away this long. But I promise I’m going to make things right.”

Leia then moved over to embrace her son. “Of course, honey. I’m so happy you’re home.”

Luke and Mara put in their agreement as well. Jaina, on the other hand, was not impressed. “Sorry for not being as enthused as everyone else is, but is that supposed to make everything okay?”

Her aunt looked at her, her eyes full of disappointment. “Jaina, we’re going to deal with this as a family. There’s no need to be divided or angry about things that are in the past.”

Jaina laughed, her unimpressed and unamused laugh too, “Can you imagine if I left you guys with a kid and fucked off for the next few years and then came back with not even a word of explanation?”

“Jaina, not with the kids around,” Leia said as she glanced at the two children who looked confused at Jaina’s words.

Ben glared at his cousin, “You’re just jealous because Jacen is back.”

She scowled at the young boy, “Excuse me?”

“Mom says that you’re always jealous of Jacen and that’s why you get so mean whenever anyone says anything nice about him.”

Jaina’s glare moved to her aunt. “Oh, so that’s what you really think, huh? To my face you say you’re so proud of me but you tell your child that I’m jealous of my _brother_?”

Mara raised a hand to silence her. “That isn’t what I said, you know kids take their own meaning out of things.”

Jacen finally spoke up. “Jaina, I understand that you’re mad about my leaving-“

“Mad? I’m furious and still waiting for an explanation!” Jaina was yelling now despite feeling Allana growing anxious.

Han took the child from Jacen’s arms as Luke spoke. “Rein in that anger, Jedi Solo.”

Jaina shook her head. “Oh, no one is going to keep me from being angry right now. How are all of you so calm?”

“Because we know that anger is going to get us anywhere,” her Jedi master said sternly.

“It’s my understanding that you left after the war too,” Jacen said to his sister.

“I did. Didn’t leave behind any secret children though,” Jaina bit back.

Jacen raised his arms up in defence. “I just meant to say that I thought you more than anyone would have understood.”

“You think I could ever understand you?” Jaina stepped closer to him. “When I needed you, you were too busy playing hero to even talk to me.”

Jacen’s eyes hardened. “So I should have sacrificed the entire galaxy to do, what exactly? Comfort you? I did what deeded to be done.”

Jaina’s throat constricted and she seemed to forget that they were still in a room full of people. “It’s good to know how easily you’d sacrifice your own twin.”

“It is not my fault that you’ve never been able to take responsibility for your own self. Otherwise you would have never let Kyp-”   

“Shut up! Shut your kriffing mouth right now!” Jaina growled at him. The tension of the room seemed to reach its peak and she could feel many sets of questioning eyes on them.

“Enough! Both of you!” Leia said, stepping between her children. “The two of you can go at each other all you want when there aren’t two young children in the room.”

Jacen frowned. “Right, I’m sorry.”

Jaina scoffed. “I’m beginning to think the word sorry doesn’t mean anything.”

Leia turned to her daughter. “Maybe you should try using it some time and you’ll see.”

“What do I need to apologise for?” Jaina had no qualms about glaring at her own mother.

“Behaving like a brat. Your brother is home- the same brother you kept saying you missed- and you’re screaming at him and blaming him for your own past mistakes.”

Mara put a hand on her apprentice’s shoulder who shrugged it off as it came in contact with her. “Your mother is right. You can be mad at Jacen all you want for leaving but the accusation you made is unfair. He spent almost a year in Vong captivity and then when he escaped he dedicated himself to ridding us from the threat.”

“Good for him,” Jaina stepped back. “Because I was having the time of my life, right? I was doing so, _so_ good while poor Jacen suffered.”

“You can’t compare those things, Jaina.” Han sounded annoyed when he returned from leading the kids into Allana’s bedroom.

Jaina’s hands shook, maybe her whole body was shaking. She hoped she wouldn’t stop breathing soon. “Jacen is such a hero and I’m just _so_ jealous of his amazingness. Do you even know? Do you know any of what I’ve had to go through?”

“No,” Her mother said, her tone scolding and unimpressed, “Because you haven’t told us anything.”

Jaina chuckled, and she heard the shakiness in her voice. “I guess it’s going to stay that way.”

She moved over to the door, palming it open as her father said, “Jaina, it’s still your birthday. Don’t let this argument push you away from us.”

Jaina turned her head to look back at her family. They all looked disappointed in her. The annoyed feelings in the Force hurt even more. “It’s okay, you have Jacen back now.”

With that she began walking and ended up in the lift down to the ground level. As she walked out of the building she continually looked behind her despite knowing that no one followed her. She still hoped that at least one person would. She kept walking, and walking, and walking. There wasn’t anything her mind could focus on. Her mother thought she was a brat, her aunt thought she was just jealous, her father said she couldn’t compare to her brother, and her uncle thought she was just a ball of uncontrolled anger.

Possibly, she was all those things.

Jaina hadn’t felt this way in so long. She hadn’t felt this _useless_ and _worthless_ in almost years. Normally, a long walk in Coruscant’s night air helped to ease her mind, but this time her thoughts only continued to race. She looked up to see she was in front of a liquor store. _Perfect._

In a few minutes, she was out with a bottle of something strong. Hopefully strong enough that in the next few hours she wouldn’t remember anything at all.

-

Jacen sighed. “I didn’t mean to ruin her party.”

Han shook his head, “You know how she gets. It’s your birthday too.”

Jacen smiled to himself. “Yes…but I didn’t mean to upset her still. I thought today would have been fine to come home. I guessed wrong.”

Luke shook his head. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m glad you’re back, Jacen.”

“I’m glad to be back,” he said as he sat on the couch.

Leia took the seat beside him. “Where have you been all this time?”

Jacen was hesitant to share. “Many places. Some I don’t think I could even find again. I learnt so much about the Force. Some good and some bad.”

“So you’ve sensed the same darkness that I have?” Luke asked.

Jacen nodded. “Yes…in the Empire.”

Mara folded her arms around her chest. “Just as we thought as well. We didn’t find anything when we looked.”

“You didn’t look in the right places, then. Which is why I’m confused as to why you had Jagged Fel here, in the same room as Allana no less.”

Han frowned. “So the rumours are true. The Imperials were behind the attack?”

“From what I’ve been able to gather, yes.”

“I understand the scepticism, but Jag wasn’t the Head of State then.” Leia said and Jacen wasn’t sure why Leia would even bother defending him.

Jacen looked his mother in the eye. “He was Pellaeon’s most trusted admiral and protégé. Don’t defend him.”

Leia frowned. “It’s Jaina I’m worried about.”

“Ah, I suppose what I saw on the holonews is correct then? Jaina really is dating him?”

Mara nodded. “Yes, but I really didn’t sense any kind of deception from him. He’s been really helpful to the Jedi.”

Jacen shook his head. “So was Palpatine back in the day. He was the Jedi’s biggest supporter before he had them all killed.”

“That’s not fair of you to say, Jacen,” Luke started, “Unless you have solid evidence we don’t.”

“For now, Jaina needs to stay away from him. For all we know he’s just using her to get to Allana.”

Han shrugged. “I don’t like the idea either, kid, but I don’t think he’d know anything about Allana being alive. Otherwise I’d never let him anywhere near.”

“It’s a mistake to underestimate him,” Jacen looked at his father, his expression deadly serious. “He is a threat to her safety. And to my sister’s as well.”

Leia nodded. “She’s your daughter, yes. If you don’t want him around her that’s your decision to make, but I don’t think Jaina will be that open to suggestions about her love life right now.”

“Speaking of which,” Mara chimed in, “What do you plan to do about Allana?”

Jacen sighed, “It wouldn’t be safe to publicly claim her. Not when people could piece together my history with Tenel Ka. But I don’t intend to leave her ever again.”

Leia smiled. “I’m happy to hear that.”

“I know it may not be fair to be asking you this, but we really need to know,” Han said.

Jacen nodded, hoping he didn’t ask something he couldn’t risk answering. “Go ahead.”

“What’s really wrong with Jaina?”

Ah, Jacen thought. This he could use to distract them. “I guess you could say there are a lot of things.”

“Any of them related to Kyp Durron?” Leia ventured a guess.

Jacen nodded. “Yes, actually. They were sort of together during the war? She wasn’t very clear about it.”

Han’s anger grew, “Did you just say that Kyp Durron was with my teenage daughter?”

Luke frowned. “That is a serious accusation, Jacen. She was apprenticed to him for a time.”

“That’s what she told me after I escaped during the war.” Jacen paused, hesitant to say any more. “Actually, it was more like she begged me to get her away from him.”

Mara frowned. “What did you do?”

Jacen looked away. This, he was actually ashamed of. “I didn’t do anything. I told her to just leave him if she was so miserable. I was so focused on ending the war that I ignored her plea for help. Looking back…I really should have done something.”

“Did he hit her?” Han was standing now, his hand on his blaster.

“I don’t think it was like that,” Jacen tried to calm him down. “She said she hated him so much and that she’d killed him if she had to see him again and yet, she kept seeing him. That’s why I just left it alone.”

“Okay,” Luke took a deep breath, “She would have been how old? Nineteen? I need to know if this is bigger than just a personal issue or if I need to act as the grandmaster.”

Jacen thought back. “Truthfully, Uncle Luke, I think it’d been going on from long before that.”

“I wish you had told us sooner.” His mother looked heart broken. “I wish she had told us.”

“It’s probably my fault. She told me and I did nothing.”

Luke shook his head. “Don’t blame yourself. You’re not responsible for her actions, although I suspect that’s why she’s so mad at you.”

He nodded, “It is. I guess you should talk to Kyp, but I really don’t think Jaina wants you to do that.”

Mara sighed. “She wouldn’t want that. But we can’t just do nothing. If she really was his apprentice and underage when they were together, then we can’t responsibly turn a blind eye. Not when she’s this affected by it.”

“Like hell, we’ll do nothing,” Han was seething, “If I had known that all I had to do was blast Durron, then I’d have done it years ago.”

“I’ll talk to Jaina as soon as possible,” Leia said as she put a calming hand on Han’s arm. “I’ve asked her about Kyp before but she didn’t give me any indication that they’d ever been personally involved.”

“That’s Jaina for you,” Jacen said as he sat back. “Look, there’s probably more to it than I know about. We didn’t exactly talk about it for long, but I thought I owed you all an explanation for what happened today.”

Mara smiled weakly. “Thank you, Jacen.”

He shrugged, “No problem. Can I go talk to Allana? I’d love to catch up her with her.”

Han nodded. “You should. Although she’s probably a little shaken up. She doesn’t respond well to changing emotions.”

Jacen smiled. “She’s strong in the Force. I’ll help her learn to control it.”

-

“You’ve caused me a lot of trouble,” Daala said in between sips from her cup. She was meeting with Jagged Fel for the first time since the tragedy at the Senate and she was pleased to know that Fel had no intention of pursuing an agenda against the Hapans for their suspected involvement.

Jag leaned back in his chair, “I thought I spared you more trouble?”

She smiled. “Yes, you did prevent an even greater tragedy from occurring. I just mean that you could have done it without a Jedi.”

Fel raised a brow. “What makes you think I could have done it without her?”

“Right. So that’s the reason you felt compelled to share a dance with her on the Gilad Pellaeon.”

Jag’s face remained stoic, betraying no emotion. “What reason is that?”

“That you’re involved with her. The moffs must be most displeased.”

“The moffs can feel however they want, as I’m sure you know.”

Daala shrugged. “It makes no difference to me as long as it doesn’t interfere with our business.”

Jag nodded, “Which it won’t.”

“Are you sure? I can’t imagine she’d be pleased if you aided me in bringing the Jedi in line.” Daala needed to ensure she wasn’t wasting her time, but she knew Fel well enough that prodding at his sense of duty was the easiest way of getting him to help her. He wouldn’t want to appear soft on the Jedi because of his involvement with one.

“I’m happy to help in any way that will benefit the Empire and the Alliance alike. Her feelings, like the moffs’, are just that, feelings. It has nothing to do with the greater good of the galaxy.”

Daala was impressed with his answer. “In that case, I’ll keep you updated on that front. For now, we have the little matter of the sort of assassination attempt on you and many senators.”

Fel nodded. “We know one of the attackers is Hapan. That’s enough to stir conflict.”

“Yes, but unfortunately he has shared nothing that can confirm or deny any real motive. So everything is left to speculation which is never good for preventing rumours from spreading.”

“Of course. Although I’d love to solve this issue as quickly as possible, it seems it’s going to be drawn out much longer.”

Daala poured herself another cup of caf, raising a brow to offer Fel a refill. He declined. “The Hapans are our ally, I’d hate to have to side with them against you should it come to that.”

“So would I, but you must honour your treaties as we would honour ours.”

“I must ask, Head of State, there are those who claim that the Empire had the princess killed. And then there are those that claimed they had Pellaeon killed in retaliation.”

Jag cracked a smile. “Neither of those theories has been proven.”

Daala nodded. “Of course not, else we’d have a full blown war on our hands.”

He sighed. “I think…there is a strong possibility that those theories are correct.”

"Ah,” was all she could say. It happened too often, an assassination gone wrong that left two systems with no choice but to go at each other in fear of being seen as weak. “In that case, how would like assurance that the Alliance would side with you over the Hapans?”

He let the surprise show, “The Hapans are one of your allies. Would you really be willing to betray them for an alliance with us instead?”

Daala smiled. “Of course, I am an Imperial at heart. Besides, the fickle nature of Hapan politics and their reluctance to fully join us out of pride provide just enough loopholes for us to make it work.”

Jag thought about it for a moment. “If, and this is a big if, you were to cut ties with the Consortium in favour of forging stronger ties with the government you were formally a part of it, it wouldn’t look very good for you.”

“No, it wouldn’t. I’d be willing to do it anyway.”

“Because in return, you expect me to help you focus everyone’s attention on the Jedi.” He leaned back into his chair.

There was a reason she liked Fel. He was smart enough that she didn’t need to explain every step of the plan to him. It helped with keeping her own secrets in the dark.

“Exactly. Do you think that’s something you could agree to?”

“I don’t like it at all, I have to say.” Jag looked away. “But I’d be a fool not to consider it.”

Daala had him. There was no way he could responsibly refuse a guaranteed win in a war with the Hapans just because of his dalliance with a Jedi. “That’s all you need to do for now. But remember, any day now solid evidence against the Empire or Hapes could surface. I’d hope by then we’d already have the agreement we both want.”

Jag nodded. “Of course. I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.”

They both stood, shaking hands before she moved to the door that would lead her out of the Head of State’s office where her security officers waited. “I await your call.”

-

“Daddy, where’s Jaina?” Allana asked him. She was seated on his lap after telling him so many stories of all the things she’d done since living with the Solos. Many of those stories included his sister who he still hadn’t heard from in the last few days.

Jacen smiled at his daughter, “I’m sure she’s fine.”

“But she was really sad. What if she’s hurt?”

“Maybe, but she’s always run away from her problems. And people.”

Allana frowned. “Then shouldn’t we be going after her?”

He shook his head. “She’s an adult. She can take care of herself.”

That wasn’t exactly true. He hated the way they’d left things before and it often haunted him to know that he had abandoned her when she needed him most. He didn’t lie when he told his family that he didn’t exactly know what she’d suffered from, just that she asked him to help her. He shuddered to think about it, and it was easier to pretend that it was something she could solve on her own. Not when he was the one she had trusted to help- and he’d failed that test spectacularly.

“I miss her.” Allana sighed. It saddened him that his absence meant that his own daughter knew his sister better than she knew him, but he intended to change that.

“Don’t worry about it. Mom says that she’ll be back soon.” Jacen rubbed the girl’s back. She was happy to see him, of course, but he could sense her hesitance in how to act around him. She was too young for any of this.

He still had things to do and he was relieved to be able to have dodged his family’s never ending set of questions about what he’d been up to, but he was glad to finally spend the time with Allana that he’d always yearned to.

When Tenel Ka had reached out to him five years ago, he’d sensed her urgency so clearly that he’d been compelled to return to Hapes although he was well into his journey. He was surprised to see Tenel Ka with a new born baby-one he knew instantly was his. He didn’t want to keep her away from his family, but Tenel ka didn’t want Hapan court to know that the child’s father wasn’t Hapan. She couldn’t allow them any reason to plot against her any more than they had.

Since then he’d visit as often as he could and he was always amazed to watch his daughter grow more and more each time. During his travels he grew closer to the Force and that way he grew closer to his daughter, no matter how far away he was. Then his visions grew dark and like all his previous visions, they surrounded his daughter. She was in grave danger and had he not returned when he did, she would have died just as the galaxy thought she did.

It was his idea to have her live with his parents. Tenel Ka didn’t want to separate from her daughter, not after the lethal attack, but Jacen insisted that Hapan court proved to be the worst place for their child to grow up. She had no choice but to agree. Tenel Ka approached the Solos and asked them to care for her and Jacen’s daughter while he set about finding out exactly who was responsible for trying to kill his child.

“Are you going to leave again, daddy?” Allana was looking at him, worried that he’d say yes. She was young, probably too young to remember the times they spent together at the Hapan Palace, but she could feel the familiarity through the Force. She was scared to be separated from him again like she was forced to be separated from her mother.

“No,” he answered honestly, “I won’t leave you ever again. I love you too much for that.”

Allana smiled, “I love you too, daddy.”

-

“Sir?”

Jag realised he’d been staring into space and he wasn’t sure for how long. He had a lot to think about. “Yes, sorry.”

“I think we should take Daala’s deal. It’s better to be safe than sorry,” his assistant was saying. Jag knew he was right. In fact he’d have probably taken it in the meeting if he didn’t need time to think about what he’d tell Jaina.

Jaina Solo was the issue…they had just admitted to loving each other and Jag wasn’t ready to lose her any time soon. But betraying the treaty with the Jedi and allying with Daala in pursuing her agenda against them could possibly crumble their relationship. She was too loyal to the Order to allow him to aid in what could be their destruction, but he was too loyal to the Empire to let his love for her prevent him from ensuring the Empire’s safety.

He wouldn’t even have to consider the deal if he weren’t already keeping the secret of Amelia Solo’s identity- he knew that revealing that secret would lead to a swift end to their relationship. But if he were to be smart about this deal he knew they could make it work. He just had to be extremely careful.

“I think we should as well,” he answered finally.

Ashik didn’t look convinced. “You’re contemplating what this deal could mean for your relationship with Jaina Solo.”

“Yes,” was all he said. Ashik stared at him a bit longer.

“I thought you learned from the past that personal connections are weaknesses, not strengths.”

Jag tapped his fingers against his desk. “I suppose you wouldn’t believe me if I said this time is different.”

Ashik shook his head, “I’m afraid I wouldn’t. In fact, I think she’s more dangerous for you than anyone else.”

“You weren’t saying that when you wanted to hire her as my bodyguard,” Jag pointed out.

“Had she accepted it’d be different. You’re a Head of State, sir, and she’s a volatile Jedi with loyalty to a different government and to an unforeseen Force that we can’t possibly understand.” He paused to look his superior in the eye. “Sir, I don’t worry that she will make you act as erratically as she does; but I worry about what she’ll do if you do something she doesn’t like.”

Jag frowned. “You’re implying what exactly? That she’d assassinate me?”

Ashik didn’t waver. “Possibly. If the Jedi or the Alliance ever wanted you dead she’d be the perfect candidate for the job.”

He found it hard to keep his anger contained, “She wouldn’t.”

“Maybe not now, but if you take the deal- as you should- she may not see you in the same light. She could be your downfall, sir, and quite frankly I won’t allow it to happen.”

Jag shook his head. “You don’t need to prepare for such an eventuality. I thought you’d trust her after the attack on the Senate building. Without her, I’d probably be dead now, no thanks to your security.”

It was a low blow. Ashik worked hard to keep him safe, but he was angered by Ashik’s distrust of Jaina. Ashik didn’t react to his harsh words. “Then you should work on her.”

“…Huh?” For once, Jag had no idea what his closest friend meant.

“Get her to defect to the Empire. Then she’ll no longer be a threat to you.” Ashik was perfectly still as he presented his argument. Jag knew better than to think he was joking.

“She’s not a threat,” Jag said slowly, “And she’s Luke Skywalker’s niece, she’d never defect.”

Ashik took a step closer, stopping just before the edge of his desk. “Then what is the point in pursuing a relationship with her? If your goal isn’t to marry her then why do you insist on compromising what we’re trying to build here?”

Jag hesitated. “Because I love her. It’s a human thing.”

“We both know you don’t think like a human though. You can’t throw everything away and take unnecessary risks. I told you already, if you want to be with Jaina Solo, I won’t stop you. But you need to do it right. Either get her to defect or end it now before you make a mistake you’ll come to regret.”

He knew deep down that his friend was right, but it was a reality he wasn’t ready to face. Jag had never run from his problems before, nor did he let his emotions get the better of him, but whenever it came to Jaina Solo he didn’t behave as he usually did. He didn’t make the decisions that he usually would. That’s how he knew Ashik wasn’t right.

Jag spun his chair around, unable to face the chiss any longer. “Have you uncovered anything more about the attack?”

“Not at the moment, sir.”

“Then, that will be all for now,” Jag dismissed him. He waited until he heard the door slide open and close to let him know he was alone again, then he waited some more.

He reached for his commlink, dialling Jaina’s quick code so that they could discuss. If he was really going to stand with Daala against the Jedi he’d have to let her hear it from him first.

As he waited for an answer he couldn’t help the feelings of dread and disappointment that washed over him. He couldn’t stomach the thought of betraying her, but what choice did he have? His only other option would be to use the knowledge of Amelia’s identity to his advantage. Even if he abdicated, anyone who took his place would then do the same thing.

Then there was the question of Jaina’s own loyalty. Was she really capable of what Ashik implied she was? It worried him that he wasn’t sure. He loved her with all his heart, but he knew just how volatile she was. He knew how much she hated betrayal and deception. He had promised her that he would never do that to her, and he was being honest when he said it.

But if he were to risk the Empire’s galactic security for her, he’d betray everything he’d ever learned in life; from his father, the chiss, and from Pellaeon.

Would she betray the Jedi for him?

That’s what Ashik had asked him. Would Jaina give up everything for him the way he was thinking of doing for her? That was the million credit question and it would make all the difference. As Ashik said, if she wouldn’t do it for him then what was the point in doing it for her?

He sighed, putting down the commlink on his desk when he still got no answer. They hadn’t spoken in days and it was a result of his avoiding her and probably her dealing with family drama. The thought of their relationship crumbling already left him feeling sick; his life had been spent sacrificing love for work, over and over. He wanted this more than anything else and in only some months’ time, it was falling apart.

Jag sighed, closing his eyes as he thought out every possibility, every course of action, but it all led to the same conclusion. Eventually, he’d have to convince Jaina Solo to defect, or their relationship would be over.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has an in depth discussion about underage sex/statutory rape and other unpleasant topics. It's not at all graphic, but the nature of the topic is upsetting (but unfortunately a real and traumatic thing that many, many teenagers have gone through). Also mentions of mental health issues, panic attacks, hints of alcoholism, dissociation, and other symptoms associated with PTSD. Yeah...

“It’s been a week,” Leia said as she paced.

Jacen sat on the couch, Allana’s head in his lap as she napped. His mother was growing increasingly worried after not hearing from Jaina. According to their relatives, she hadn’t answered their calls either. Jacen tried to calm his mother and reassure her that Jaina was still on Coruscant and that she just needed time to blow off steam.

“Maybe she’s changed her comm.”

Leia stopped in front of him, “If you hadn’t fought with her she wouldn’t have gone off alone.”

Jacen shrugged. “Have you ever known Jaina to back down from a fight just because the other person isn’t interested?”

“Still, it was the wrong place and the wrong time. She’s been opening up to us recently and I’m afraid this will set her back.” Leia sighed.

“Mom, you know how Jaina is. She doesn’t respond well to criticism. She only learns from actions.” Jacen said as he smoothed down the hair on Allana’s head.

“Jacen, you wouldn’t get it. She’s my daughter and I foolishly allowed her, and you and Anakin, to fight a war when you were far too young,” Leia admitted.

Jacen shook his head. “You can’t blame yourself, Mom. We were under threat of annihilation. We all did what needed to be done.”

Leia sighed as she took a seat in the arm chair in front of him. “The military is a rough place for women, especially young women. She wanted nothing more than to fly like her dad but I regret allowing her into that environment. I regret not knowing that she was seeing a grown man who was also her Jedi Master. It’s messed up, Jacen, it really is, and because I didn’t protect her as I should have she’s still reeling from it today.”

He’d never thought of it like that. He glanced at his young daughter, only five years old, and thought about how he would feel if Allana were in Jaina’s place. It wasn’t a good feeling at all.

“I see. I guess I’m still new at being a parent,” Jacen sighed.

Leia smiled softly, unable to keep her sadness out of it. “Trust me, you won’t stop feeling like that for a long, long time.”

Jacen finally looked back at his mother. “Jaina will be back soon. I know it.”

“I just hope she doesn’t take a page out of her brother’s book and disappear for five years.”

He flushed a bit, “Right, yeah.”

Leia’s gaze moved to Allana, “Does Tenel ka know you’re back?”

“No, we don’t risk using transmissions.”

“But you knew about Allana long ago, didn’t you? You knew about her before we did.”

Jacen nodded. “I did. Actually, it was my idea to send her to you to keep her safe.”

Leia frowned, “So you were around the Known Regions then, but you never reached out to us.”

“I-I didn’t know what to say, honestly. I wasn’t very sure of who I was or what I was meant to do.”

Leia was silent for a moment as she gathered her thoughts. “You’re more like your sister than you think.”

“Meaning?”

“After the war, she disappeared. She said she was on Corellia most of the time, trying to find herself and where she belonged. I know now that she was running away from things I never even knew about- that she was trying to heal herself alone because she didn’t think that any of us could help her.”

Jacen’s heart sank, “Which is my fault.”

Leia shook her head, “Not your fault, no, although I really wish you were in the state of mind at the time to help. But she came back to me, teary eyed and apologising for not being good enough to stay. I hope you never know what it feels like to have your own child tell you that. I can’t lose her again, I can’t allow her to lose herself while I sit here and worry.”

Jacen had to agree with her. He never wanted to hear Allana say anything like that.

“Then we should look for her instead of sitting around the apartment.”

Leia nodded. “Yes. But we should call Jag first.”

He couldn’t keep his displeasure from showing on his face. “You think she’s with him now?”

“It’s a possibility, yes.”

“Then call him.” He was confused when Leia made no move towards the comm station or for her commlink. “What is it?”

Leia shifted in her seat. “I figured you wouldn’t want to talk to him.”

Jacen frowned. “I don’t _want_ to talk to him, but I don’t want my sister anywhere near him either.”

“Unless you can prove to her, and me, that he was actually involved in the attack on Allana then there’s no way you can convince her to stop seeing him.” Leia challenged him.

“There are many other reasons why she shouldn’t see him. The first being that he’s the Imperial Head of State. Secondly, they are the enemy of the throne that Allana is going to inherit one day. Thirdly, he and his mentor orchestrated the attack on my daughter, her niece. The suspicion alone should be enough to tell her that he’s not such a good idea. But she’s never had the best judgement when it comes to men,” Jacen pointed out.

“Okay, what we’re not going to do is blame her for whatever happened with Kyp. She was still a kid.” Leia narrowed her eyes at him.

Jacen tipped his head in acknowledgement, “Just call the man.”

Leia moved over to the comm, punching in the code that she used to get into contact with Jag. In a few minutes he appeared in holographic form, a small smile on his face. “Princess Leia, it’s lovely to hear from you.”

Jacen rolled his eyes. The Imperial sure knew how to lay it on thick. His mother, however, responded with a bright smile of her own. “Yes, it is, Jag.”

“What can I help you with? I have about five minutes before my next meeting.” He sounded urgent.

Leia nodded, “Of course. I wanted to know if you’d heard from Jaina since dinner last week.”

A frown adorned Jag’s face as he spoke, “I haven’t actually. I just assumed she was busy when she didn’t answer my call a few days ago.”

Jacen felt his mother become even more worried. “Truthfully, Jag, I’m worried she’s gone and done something reckless.”

To his credit, the Imperial looked just as worried. “No one else has heard from her?”

Leia shook her head. “No one I know.”

“Well, did something happen for her to just drop off the grid?” Jag seemed to look away from the comm for a second and he nodded, probably to his assistant who was informing him that he needed to wrap this up as quickly as possible.

“Yes…she and Jacen had a fight. I thought she had just stepped out to cool off but we haven’t heard from her since.” Leia spoke freely and Jacen didn’t like the familiarity with which she did.

Jag took a moment to think. “Okay. Give me a few minutes and I can tell you where she is.”

Leia raised a brow. “How exactly?”

“As long as she’s still on Coruscant, I can have some of my intelligence officers locate her. With your permission, of course.”

She sighed. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but please do.”

Jag nodded. “Of course. I can tell how worried you are, even over the comm, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried myself.”

“Thank you, Jagged. It means a lot,” Leia gave him a warm smile.

To Jacen’s surprise, the Imperial returned it. “Of course. I’ll comm you when I hear something, but for now I’m afraid I must get going.”

“I don’t need anything else.”

When the transmission ended, Jacen finally allowed himself to speak up. “I didn’t know you were that chummy with him.”

Leia scowled at her son. “He’s a nice guy, Jacen. And I still don’t buy that he’d try to have a child assassinated.”

“You have a lot faith in an Imperial.” Jacen scowled at her.

“What makes you so sure he was involved? And don’t dodge the question like you always do, give me a straight answer.”

Jacen reached out into the Force to ensure that Allana was still asleep before he spoke. “Fine. When I investigated the origins of the attack, I found that that the vessel that had delivered the nanovirus to Hapan Space was dispatched from the _Bloodfin_ , which I’m sure you know he commanded at the time.”

Leia’s arms folded against her chest. “That’s hardly any proof of involvement. It could have been dispatched under quite a large number highly ranked officers on board.”

“You’re right. Except the vessel was destroyed before I could properly log the evidence,” Jacen added.

“I’m not saying it’s nothing, but it’s still not enough for a condemnation. Even if it was dispatched directly under his order it doesn’t mean he put the nanovirus on it, not knowingly anyway.”

“That’s a lot of coincidences, don’t you think? I’m not saying it’s something he wanted, I’ve never met the man, but don’t you think he’s the type to hide behind the age old excuse of _I was just following orders_?”

He saw his mother was thinking about it. “Okay, I see your point.”

“Thank you, it was time you did. Which is why when we find Jaina we have to keep her away from him.”

Leia shook her head. “Jacen, she isn’t exactly happy with us right now.”

“I know that,” Jacen argued, “But it’s for the best. He’s only going to hurt her.”

Leia shrugged. “If you can convince her of that then sure, but I’m really not going to try to take something she wants away from her.”

“So you’d rather sit back and allow her to delude herself into thinking this is a good idea and end up getting more hurt down the road?” Jacen still couldn’t believe that his parents had let it go on this long.

Leia’s eyes flashed with anger. “Jacen, when you left five years ago you forfeited your right to involve yourself in her life. Neither did you help when she asked you to before, so you don’t get to show up now and dictate how she should live her life now.”

He looked away, somewhat ashamed but still sure that he was right. “Maybe I did. But I’m trying to right my wrong and protect her now.”

Leia wasn’t convinced. “I don’t need the Force to know you’re lying. In fact, I’m sure you believe what you just said. But you need to stop pretending like you’re doing this out of love for Jaina, you don’t actually care about that, you just want to protect Allana. I understand that, believe me I do, and I applaud you for it, but if you really want to help Jaina you should start by first _thinking_ about what’s good for her-not for you.”

It’d been years since he received a dressing down from his mother and it was just a stinging as it was in the past. He had to concede, “You’re right. Ever since Allana was born she’s been my first priority.”

Leia softened. “As she should be. I don’t blame you for it at all, but you can’t cut yourself off from the rest of your family either. Jaina should mean much more to you than that.”

“She does. I love her, you know that. We just haven’t connected since- well, since Anakin died. I feel like that was when we’d parted ways and I’m afraid it was a permanent separation,” he admitted.

“Something like that isn’t permanent, Jacen. Even if you have to put away your pride, your sister should be worth it. Try to understand her before casting judgement.”

“I’ll work on it then,” Jacen promised but he wasn’t sure how truthful he was being.

“That’s all I can ask for,” Leia said before the comm chimed again. Leia took a few steps back over. “It’s a message from Jag. He’s sending her location now.”

Jacen was surprised it was that fast. “Not to beat a dead horse, but don’t you think it’s a red flag that he can locate her on a whim?”

Leia shot him a glare. “Not now, honey. We should hurry before she goes on the move.

Jacen nodded, lifting Allana into his arms. “I don’t want to leave her here.”

Leia glanced back at the two of them. “We can leave her with Luke. Don’t worry too much, okay? We’re the only ones who know she is.”

Jacen wasn’t convinced. “You know that I know first-hand the danger of being Han and Leia Solo’s child.”

Leia rolled her eyes, “Yes, but honestly you three had it way worse than she does. Remember I’m no longer in politics. Besides, if she isn’t safe with Luke, is she safe with anyone?”

Jacen considered her point before nodding. “Let’s get moving then.”

-

Jaina’s head hurt, which meant she’d forgotten to put herself into a healing trance before going to sleep. She was drinking the night before, and the one before, and the one before that one-

It had been…five days, maybe, since she’d stormed out of the Solo apartment on her birthday. She’d turned off her commlink and kept walking until she’d found a liquor store and drank her troubles away. She thought that she’d feel better after that bottle but when she had woken up the next day, she’d just felt worse.

It was a cycle, she realised, and every day she felt worse than the day before. She sat up from the bench she had claimed the night before, wincing at the cracks in her back which sounded. She should go home, probably, but then the same argument would ensue. Jaina contemplated calling Jag, but she knew he’d just ask her about Jacen and she _really_ didn’t want to talk about it. So she kept drinking and moving, then drank some more. It was stupid and reckless and if Coruscant weren’t that large then the press would have caught her- if they hadn’t already, that is. Perhaps, no one had recognised her.

It was hard to care. Her heart felt heavy and her lungs felt empty anytime she thought about what happened. Her body always betrayed her whenever she needed it to be strong. Physical manifestations of her feelings were all too common for her, and even after years she couldn’t control it.

When she drank, it numbed her to those feelings although they didn’t go away completely. It was why whenever she sobered up she was left with last night’s worries at the top of her mind- and a hangover to top it off.

She leaned back against the park bench, her nose catching whiff of her alcohol-stained shirt. She needed a shower and her best chance of doing that was to go to the Temple where she’d risk running into her aunt and uncle, or go home and definitely run into her parents and brother. Jag was an option but the last thing she wanted was for him to see her like this. No, she’d fix herself up first and tell it to him like an old story.

If she were a few years in the past, she’d probably proposition some sucker just to use his shower. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, she didn’t live like that anymore. The wise thing to do would be to go home and settle the dispute like a responsible adult, but just the thought alone made her feel shaky.

She was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn’t notice the presences closing on her. It was too late for her to run when she recognised them. Jaina bit her lip and turned her head as they approached, her mother’s worry pronounced through the Force, her brother’s not so much.

“Jaina,” Leia started, “We’ve been so worried.”

She finally looked at them, and hoped her eyes didn’t look as dead as they felt. “Okay? I’m just fine.”

Jacen looked her up and down. “Not really, you reek of alcohol.”

She rolled her eyes, ‘Oh wow, I didn’t notice. Also, mom, I’m not doing spice, before you ask.”

Leia sat beside her. “I wasn’t going to ask.”

Jaina shrugged. “How did you find me?”

Jacen stood in front of her. “Apparently your boyfriend tracks you.”

As Jaina’s eyes widened in surprise, Leia rushed in to smooth things over. “No, he doesn’t. I called Jag and asked if he could help me find you and he was able to get a trace off your commlink.”

“Isn’t that what I said?” Jacen grinned. It fell flat like all his jokes did in the past; Jaina didn’t pretend to find it funny like she used to.

“Is there something you want?” Jaina just wanted them to leave her in peace.

Leia wrapped an arm around her daughter. “Actually, yes. I want you to talk to me.”

“About?”

“About Kyp.”

Jaina froze. “What about him?”

In front of her, her brother sighed. “I think you know what she means.”

Her eyes hardened as she levelled a glare his way. “No, unless you were talking about things you shouldn’t have.”

“Truthfully, Jaina, if I had known you were this bothered by it then I would have said something earlier,” he said honestly. She wanted to punch him in the mouth.

“If you had known? Didn’t I tell you?” She gritted her teeth as her fury grew.

Leia interrupted the argument before it could truly develop. “So there is something you want to tell me.”

Jaina looked around. “If I wanted to tell you then I would have already.”

She looked into her mother’s eyes and the sadness she found there only fed into her guilt. “Jaina, please.”

Jaina looked away, unable to keep up the hard pretence. “I don’t know what you want me to say about it. I don’t know how to do that without you all feeling sorry for me or thinking I’m a reckless idiot.”

“Why would we think that?”

She hoped her mother could see the disbelief on her face. “Because you do think that, and you say it too. Behind my back _and_ to my face.”

“You’re talking about dinner,” Leia said. “You were making a big deal about Jacen-“

“That’s exactly what I mean. I was just overreacting, like you claim I do with everything. So why would this be any different? Maybe I’m just overreacting and making poor Kyp Durron look like a bad guy.” Jaina shook her head. It was hard to even admit it to herself.

Leia sighed. “I apologise then, for what we said last week.”

Jaina shrugged. “It doesn’t change anything. I know you’re sorry for saying it but it doesn’t make it any less true.”

Her mother was growing irritated with her avoidance of the topic. Good, she didn’t want to talk about it. Jacen, however, was in a chatty mood.

“So then, tell us about Kyp,” Jacen said.

“Now you want to know?” Jaina laughed, and it sounded as nervous as she felt. “That’s rich.”

Jacen stood his ground, though. “Yes, I do. I owe it to you.”

Jaina put on a face of mock innocence, “Aw, you can repay me by minding your own business.”

Leia frowned. “You don’t have to be so harsh.”

Jaina rolled her eyes. “Why do you always have to be so defensive of him? You don’t even know him anymore.”

“He’s my son, Jaina.” Leia tried to keep her annoyance in check but it was quickly bleeding into her tone.

“Then go dote on your son somewhere else and leave me the kriff alone.” Jaina stood then and started walking away. Jacen caught her arm before she could get this far.

“Have you always been this difficult?” He said.

“Yes, but you’ve probably forgotten a lot of things about me.” Jaina pulled her arm from his grip. “And don’t touch me.”

Jacen stepped back, “What? You only like when Imperials touch you?”

She paused in her tracks and slowly turned around. She didn’t even think before her hand came up to slap him across the face. Hard.

The smack was so loud it was heard by those a good distance away. It had Leia rushing towards them to break up what could have become a full blown fight. Jaina stood in place, uncaring of the observers now paying attention. She was ready to fight Jacen if that’s what he wanted.

Instead, her brother pushed his hair out his face and held his surely burning cheek with one hand. “I deserved that.”

Jaina realised her breathing had picked up. Her own palm was stinging. “Yes, you did.”

Leia finally approached her twins, careful not to instigate anything. “We should go home.”

Jaina looked between them. “I’ll go where I please. You two can go home.”

“I won’t stop you. But please at least let me know where I can find you. I don’t want to lose you,” Leia begged her.

Jaina thought about it for a moment. “I’ll be with Jag.”

Jacen didn’t voice the displeasure that Jaina knew was bubbling up within him. Instead he said, “I’ll be waiting for you. I don’t want us to remain like this forever.”

“Jacen,” she sighed, “I don’t care about what you want right now. Please, just, let me sort things out for myself before I have to think about you too.”

His eyes flickered down and she hoped her words didn’t hurt him too badly. “Of course.”

She couldn’t muster up a smile to give her mother so she just half-shrugged and went in the direction of the Imperial embassy. It was a long walk, but if she started from now she’d get there by nightfall.

Again, no one followed, and it hurt just as much as it did the last time.

-

It took a bit longer to get through security at the embassy. Ashik had given her his most judgemental look yet, which was amazing since he always looked at her like she brought the plague. It was probably because she smelled of liquor and her hair was a mess. She looked like the cat dragged her in.

Jaina sighed as the door to Jag’s quarters opened. He’d have been informed of her arrival long ago but she hoped he was still in the office so she could at least make herself look half-decent before he came to see her.

She wasn’t that lucky, as he was waiting for her on the sofa when she entered the living area. He looked up as she walked in and his expression was full of worry.

“Hey,” Jag said as he stood and walked over to her, “Your mother was worried about you.”

“Right, she said you tracked me.” Jaina raised a brow. She didn’t want to be mad at him but neither did she want him to make a habit of doing such a thing.

Jag nodded, stopping just before her. His eyes looked her up and down and he did an admirable job of not reacting to what he saw. “She said you’d disappeared and asked me to find you. I’m sorry, I know you probably didn’t want to be found, but I was worried myself.”

Jaina shrugged. “I guess I could have been dead in a ditch somewhere.”

He frowned. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s true though. Maybe one of these days I’ll do it.” She didn’t know what she was saying or why she was saying it. It only made Jag worry more.

“Do what exactly?” Jag asked carefully. There was a quiet sadness in his eyes and she hated herself for putting it there.

Her shoulders slumped visibly. “I don’t even know. I don’t know what I’m saying.”

Jag didn’t push her and she was grateful for that. “You look like you could use a shower.”

“Yeah, you wouldn’t happen to have one, would you?” Jaina was glad that she could still come up with a joke.

He gave her one of his half-smiles. “I do. I’ll make you something to eat while you get cleaned up.”

Jaina managed not to completely dissociate while she showered and get out as soon as she deemed herself clean enough. When she exited the en suite refresher into Jag’s bedroom she saw that he’d left a pair of pyjama pants and a sweatshirt for her to put on. She managed a smile at his assumption that she’d stay the night with him. She probably would.

Once dressed, Jaina left the bedroom while still towelling her hair dry. She was greeted with the smell of something savoury. Jag was a good cook, Jaina had to admit.

She took a seat on the counter beside Jag where he stood over the stove, hand on the spatula he was using to stir whatever he was making.

“Smells good,” Jaina hoped she sounded casual. She wasn’t in the mood to talk, but then again, she never was.

Jag hummed in response. “Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.”

He hesitated, something he rarely ever did. “Are you suicidal?”

Jaina’s brows shot up. She truly didn’t expect that, “Uh.”

“I don’t mean to ambush you, but I was just thinking about what you said earlier and I just don’t know what I’d do if you-” she cut him off with a finger to the lips.

“Okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

Jag looked unconvinced. “That doesn’t answer my question.”

It was Jaina’s turn to hesitate. “I don’t really think about it that much.”

“But you think about it?”

Did she? Jaina wasn’t sure about anything. She had to tear her eyes from his gaze before she completely broke down. She heard him sigh softly.

“Right. Dinner’s ready.”

It was hard to ignore the sadness in his voice but she didn’t want to open up the conversation again so she remained silent as he dished two plates, handing her one before moving to the other side of the kitchen. He leaned against the refrigerator, slowly forking the food into his mouth. Jaina cautiously took a few bites of her own food, and while she was hungry, her appetite was nowhere to be found.

He didn’t say anything. He just kept looking at her with that worried look that made her feel guilty. She placed her plate on the counter space beside her as she found herself unable to take it anymore. “Can I ask you something too?”

Jag followed her and put down his own plate. “Of course you can.”

Jaina took a deep breath and she needed a minute to get the words out of her throat. “I- I don’t know if I can say it. Like, I don’t think I can get the words out no matter how much I want to. And I don’t to want to at all.”

He took a few steps until he was pressed against her knees from where she sat. “You don’t have to say it if you don’t want to.”

Jaina shook her head. “I have to, because it’s a question I don’t trust myself to answer.”

“And you trust me?” Jag asked and Jaina had to think about it for a moment.

She nodded. “I do. I think that I only trust you to answer it.”

Jag’s hand came up to caress her cheek softly and her eyes closed at the sensation. It was a gentle touch, one that made her question even harder to get out.

She took another deep breath and she didn’t have to check if she was shaking. “Is it rape when a teenager has sex with an adult?”

She felt Jag’s hand freeze its motion. It didn’t help to ease her worrying and she had to avoid his eyes which she felt heavy on her face. He looked at her carefully. “I- did that happen to you?”

Jaina shook her head, her hair falling into her face and thankfully preventing him from seeing the tears slowly welling in her eyes. “Don’t deflect. Just yes or no.”

He hesitated again. “I would say yes based on that question alone.”

The sob that escaped her was impossible to cover up. She lifted her head so that she could ask her next question. “And if the adult were her teacher and the teenager was under his protection, would it be even worse?”

He did a good job of not letting his emotions show too much on his face. “It would, yes.”

Jaina nodded slowly, unable to keep the tears from coming. “And let’s say the teenager was so in love with the man because he was the only one who she thought would never leave her and then kept begging him for more and more. Would that still be rape?”

Jag’s hand moved from her cheek and came to rest on her shoulder. “It would because it would be his responsibility to say no, not hers.”

“Even if she had a reputation for being fiercely independent and headstrong? Even if she literally came to his room at night crying because she couldn’t stand the thought of being alone?”

Jag swallowed the lump in his throat and his voice was scratchy when he spoke. “Jaina, I know you’re trying to contextualise it so that is makes sense- but it’s not okay no matter what context you add.”

Jaina nodded again. “Okay. But wouldn’t she be stupid for going back to him over and over? Why go back to someone who would make you feel so bad every time you spent time with him?”

“I suppose for the same reason she doesn’t realise anything is wrong. If she gets used to the feeling that such a relationship is healthy then she won’t question why it doesn’t make her happy.”

“All of what you’re saying-“ Jaina had to pause to make sure her words came out properly, “What if it just feels like a bad memory? He never held me down, he never forced me, I just thought I loved him. I thought I was in love. Maybe for that hypothetical teenager it’s rape, but for me I’m just- I’m just overreacting.”

Jag was still staring at her intensely. “Do you think that something that still haunts you more than ten years after its happened is an overreaction?”

Jaina finally looked in his eyes and was relieved not find any judgement. “I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking.”

He sighed. “I’m not an expert on any of this. I’m not a psychologist, or a psychiatrist, or anyone who can really tell you the correct answer. What I can tell you is that if you have to question it, it’s not a good thing.”

“I don’t want to be a victim, Jag. I don’t want to have to carry this burden on my back that I was _statutory_ raped by my second Jedi master.”

“You’re already carrying it, I think. Can I tell you what I would do?”

Jaina nodded, prompting him to continue. “I’d try to forget it, push it to the back of my mind so I’d never have to confront the reality. But that doesn’t work, you know that? That never works.”

She swallowed. “I realise that now.”

Jag’s hand moved to cup her cheek. “Then don’t pretend like it didn’t happen. Don’t pretend like you’re not bothered.”

Jaina’s flickered down towards her lap. “If I admit that, I wouldn’t know what to do next. If I say that he…that he hurt me then I’d have to do something.”

“Not really. You don’t have to say it to anyone else but yourself. It’s no one else’s business to know.”

She returned her gaze to his. “And if I asked you to never bring this up again?”

“Then I’d do just that.”

Jaina’s hand came up lie on top of Jag’s. “I don’t want to have to say this again.”

He nodded. “Okay.”

“And I don’t want to think about it anymore.”

“Also okay.”

“So if I say it once, this will be the last time we ever discuss it,” she put some confidence into her voice.

“The last time,” he agreed

Jaina closed her eyes. “Okay, here goes. Kyp Durron had unsavoury and inappropriate relations with me that may or may not have been rape.”

Jag’s hand suddenly fell from her face and his expression darkened. “Kyp Durron?”

Jaina pushed away the feelings of shame that came with his reaction to her confession. “You just agreed we wouldn’t discuss it.”

“The man who destroyed an Imperial planet, killing millions in the process, who got off with a slap on the wrist because he swore to serve the galaxy is the man who- the man who did this to you?” Jag was seething now. Jaina didn’t think she had ever seen him this upset.

Still, she didn’t want to talk about it, nor did she want to think about what she’d just admitted aloud. “You promised.”

Jag looked away, ashamed. “I did. I’m sorry.”

She hoped she hadn’t scared him away, she hoped he didn’t think she was overdramatic or stupid. She just hoped he would just understand her. “I still can’t see myself as a victim of _that_. Maybe objectively I can. But once I add myself to the equation I just can’t think of it that way. But I still feel like I went through that kind of trauma, and I don’t know if it was just my young brain or all the other traumas I’ve faced mixed together. I just don’t know.”

He seemed to gather himself to answer her, any hint of the anger he held before gone. “I think it’s up to you how you want to see it. But I do think that whatever it was, you were too young. So, perhaps you should see a psychiatrist.”

Jaina frowned at him. “I’m not crazy.”

“I didn’t say you were, but Jaina, you dropped off the grid for a week and drank yourself blind for reasons I still don’t know. You lose your ability to think clearly or breathe properly whenever you think about your brother’s death. You go into a complete panic anytime _he_ speaks to you,” Jag paused to catch his own breath, “You aren’t only suffering from it in your mind, but you are manifesting all this trauma physically.”

She had never thought about that before. While she knew that she had all these symptoms, she’d never actually given much thought to the reasons why. “You think I have post traumatic stress?”

Jag smiled apologetically, “I do, actually. You don’t have to chalk it up to a single event and you don’t even have to blame Durron for it. You saw a lot at a tender age and experienced things you weren’t ready for. You never expressed any of this to your friends or family and on top of all that you fought a war which threatened the lives of the entire galaxy if you had lost. That is definitely enough for a teenager, a child, to develop enough unresolved trauma to show symptoms of PTSD in the future.”

It was so logical and well thought out, like all things Jagged Fel said, yet still she found it hard to accept it once she tried to apply it to herself. She sighed, “I don’t know.”

“You don’t have to see one, it’s up to you. But you should at least consider it.”

Jaina remained silent for a moment as she thought it over. “To answer your question from earlier…yes, I don’t actually think about suicide. It’s just that sometimes I don’t see much of a future, not one with me in it. Is that also PTSD or am I just crazy?”

Jag was surprised that she’d bring that back up. She was as well. “Jaina Solo, I do believe you’re crazy in your own way, but I would say that that’s the trauma talking not you. You won’t know unless you see a professional.”

“Being who I am, is there even someone I could tell any of this without the risk of getting leaked to the public?”

“If a psychiatrist were to do that they’d go to prison for breaking the confidentiality agreement. You don’t have to fear that.”

She bit her lip. “If I do this, I can put all of this in the past? All of this will be over?”

“I don’t know if these things can ever be put away completely, but I do believe that mental health is important and the same way how I’d hassle you to see a doctor for an injury I wasn’t sure you could fully recover from, I’m going to try to get you to see a doctor to help you recover from this as well,” Jag answered honestly.

His sincerity was touching, and he’d presented her with a sound argument that she wasn’t in the state of mind to find fault with. This was why she’d trusted him enough to tell him, wasn’t it? So he could help her?

“Okay. I’ll see a psychiatrist.”

Jag grinned. “I’m glad you agree.”

Jaina leaned forward so she could rest her head on his shoulder. She felt so tired from the long walk she’d taken to get here, and from the long winded conversation they just had. “Mhmm.”

“Do you want me to carry you to bed?” Jag asked.

“Mhmm,” She mumbled again, too tired to say anything else.

She let him lift her into his arms, and feeling as safe as she always did whenever she was with him, she let sleep wash over her and hoped that at least tonight, she wouldn’t have a nightmare.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Jaina’s eyes closed, sighing softly as Jag’s hands worked into her shoulders. She had taken up his offer of the shoulder massage while she sat worried in the arm chair, she was nervous about having to meet with a psychiatrist who would then prod her brain and try to analyse every negative event in her life until she was properly fixed up-

“Stop overthinking it,” Jag interrupted her thoughts with a particularly hard squeeze. She winced when a particular knot felt inflamed but sighed when the pain soon turned to relief. Jag was good with his hands.

“I’m not overthinking it. I just don’t think spilling my guts to a stranger will help.”

Jag leaned down to kiss her cheek. “Dr. Boren is the top expert on the psychology of the human mind. You should be fine with him.”

Jaina wasn’t impressed. “You want me to talk to someone named Dr. _Boring_?”

Jag laughed softly. “I deliberately pronounced every syllable to prevent you from hearing that, and yet, you did anyway.”

“That name is just golden, and you know it. I don’t care if you had completely butchered the pronunciation, I’d have known.”

“Try not to mention that to the doctor, will you?”

Jaina frowned. “I thought I was supposed to tell him everything on my mind.”

Jag shook his head as he continued his work. “Just have mercy.”

She was grateful that he’d found someone for her to see as this was the step that they had decided she needed to take for the better. It didn’t mean that she was suddenly ready to talk about everything. Jag promised that today she’d just see about getting a diagnosis and if she felt she needed to have more sessions then she would.

“Actually, can I pick your brain a bit before he does?” Jag asked.

“Sure.” Jaina had no reason to say no.

“Alright,” Jag started, “Your mother mentioned that the reason you left the other day was because of a fight with your brother.”

Jaina nodded. “It was.”

“What were you arguing about?”

While she wanted to be completely honest with him, she couldn’t tell him about Allana. She trusted him, yes, but she’d rather not hand him a secret that could endanger her niece should he- and he would- feel compelled to use it. She settled for skirting the truth.

“I was mad at him for leaving for so long. Then I got even more upset when everyone took up for him over me.” Jaina had to stop to breathe, her heart picking up at the memory. She really was messed up. “They said I was jealous of him. Mom said I was a brat.”

Jag moved to kneel in front of her, his elbows resting on her knees as he looked at her. “Do you think what they said was true?”

Jaina shrugged. “Yes? It’s not the first time they’ve said it.”

“Perhaps, they just don’t understand you. I don’t think you’re bratty or jealous at all.”

Jaina smiled. “I put considerable effort into making sure I act as a cool as possible whenever you’re around.”

“Is that so?” Jag returned her smile, “So you’re a completely different person around your family than when you’re around me?”

“No, but- I was out of line this time, I know that. I shouldn’t have yelled like I did in front of Amelia and Ben.”

Something flickered in Jag’s presence but she wasn’t sure if it was significant.  She dismissed it when Jag simply nodded. “Fair enough. Although I wouldn’t be so quick to see yourself in the wrong. An argument goes both ways, doesn’t it?”

“Trust me, I know. I’ve been so pissed off with my brother ever since he returned and I’ve only seen him twice.”

“I thought you’d be happy to see him.”

She snorted. “I thought so too, but I’m just so angry with him. It’s like he gets to just up and leave and do who knows what and leaves his mess behind for all of us to clean up. Then when he comes back everyone’s all smiles like nothing happened, but if I have something to say about I’m a jealous brat!”

Jag’s brows rose in surprise and it was then she realised that her voice had raised. “What mess did he leave behind?”

Jaina cursed herself for letting that slip. “Nothing…just nothing.”

“Jaina, I don’t know if I should say this but I think if I don’t you won’t be pleased with me later down the line.”

She frowned. “What?”

He let out a long sigh. “The other day, I couldn’t help but notice something- or rather someone in your family.”

“I don’t get what you’re saying.”

“Amelia isn’t exactly who you say she is, is she?” Jag said slowly.

There wasn’t anything she could say in the moment. She was too busy racking her brain for anything that could have tipped him off, anything she might have said that clued him in- maybe she had accidentally said her real name once-

“It wasn’t anything you did,” Jag assured as if he could read her mind, “I was just wondering about her reaction to your brother’s disappearance and I kept thinking until I thought I found the answer.”

Jaina avoided his eyes. “And what exactly is the answer?”

“That she’s Jacen Solo’s daughter.”

Her eyes closed as she tried to offset the panic setting over. He couldn’t know that- if he did then he’d be one step closer to knowing what else she is, if he didn’t know already.

“It’s not any of your business,” Jaina said weakly. Her family would be so upset with her when they found out she’d clued the Imperial Head of State in on a life-saving secret.

“I know,” Jag said and she was a little relieved to hear the apology in his voice. “But I also think that she is the Chume’da of Hapes- the one who is supposed to be dead. Am I right in my thinking?”

“Jag, listen to me very carefully,” Jaina said carefully, and while she hated to have to put the venom in her words she had to ensure he understood how grave the situation was, “I don’t know what rumours you’ve heard, or what your intelligence agents have uncovered, I don’t care about any of that. I don’t care if you can ensure permanent galactic peace- if you do anything, and I mean _anything_ , that would ever hurt my sister, you will seriously regret it.”

Jag recoiled considerably, his arms no longer resting in her lap. She’d laid it on thick and it was a rather serious threat, one that Ashik would probably have her thrown out and blacklisted for. She didn’t even mean it; there was no way she could ever do anything to hurt Jag, the thought alone sickened her, but she needed him to believe it.

Jaina loved him more than she ever loved anything in this galaxy, he was supposed to be her future, but they were who they were. He was the leader of the Empire and she was a Jedi. They protected their own despite their personal feelings. If Jag would prioritise the Empire by using his knowledge of Allana’s secret, then Jaina would prioritise her niece and, at the very least, let Jagged believe that she _would_ take his head for it.

It made her feel sick, and she regret the words once they were out there, no matter how much she believed they were necessary.

Jag was now standing, his back to her and she could sense his anger at her words. He was right to be offended, and she feared that she had damaged their relationship beyond repair with only a few words.

He turned slowly, his face unreadable as he regarded her. “I have no intention of doing anything that would endanger a child, regardless of whose child she is. I thought you would have known that.”

Jaina met his gaze. “That’s what I want to believe, but I know very well what pressure can do. You’d start to think, is one life worth more than billions? No way could that be so, right?”

“You’re very quick to assume the worst about me.”

“Don’t feel special, I do that with everyone.”

She wanted nothing more than to touch him, to let him know that she wasn’t serious and that she’d choose him above everything else, but Jaina didn’t know. She didn’t know what she’d if it ever came down to it.

Jag nodded slowly. “Alright, I will keep what you said in mind.”

“Do you still love me?” Jaina blurted out.

It hurt her that he had to think about it for a moment, but she probably deserved it. “If I didn’t then I suppose I didn’t really love you in the first place.”

She shook her head, “That doesn’t answer the question. Not exactly.”

Jag stepped back into her space, his hand moving underneath her chin to raise her head to meet his eyes. “I still love you.”

Jaina let out a sigh of relief, but she had to bite her tongue to keep from taking back her threat. “I love you too. I don’t want this to come between us, okay? So just forget about whatever you think you uncovered and just…just leave it alone.”

Jag frowned. “That is what I’ve been doing for the past week or so, you know. You really didn’t have to threaten me, although I admire your dedication to your family.”

Jaina stood quickly, her hands moving to rest on Jag’s shoulders. “I’m sorry, I just don’t know what I’d do if something happened to her because of me.”

Jag kissed her softly. “I understand, but I have to do something about the Hapans.”

He held onto her tight before she could pull away, “I won’t ever repeat my suspicion, don’t worry about that. But I have to do something.”

Jaina nodded. “Of course. Tenel Ka is my friend, but I won’t hold a grudge if this conflict doesn’t resolve the way I want it to.”

“That’s good to hear…but what I’m trying to say is that Daala made me an offer that I can’t refuse.”

"Oh? That’s good, isn’t it?”

Jag smiled weakly. “There are many moffs who would prefer war over any kind of peaceful solution. I believe war should be the last resort.”

“Of course.”

“So you understand why I’m going to take Daala’s deal?”

Jaina didn’t like the tone he was taking on, nor did she know what he was getting at. “What exactly is this deal?”

Jag sighed. “In exchange for a solid military treaty with the Alliance and their breaking ties with the Hapans, I’d have to assist her in any way in quelling disputes within Alliance states.”

“Disputes such as indignant small worlds, galaxy wide riots and…rogue Jedi perhaps?”

“Yes. She wants my help in bringing the Jedi in line.”

Jaina’s mind fired quickly. “So, you’d have the backing of the Alliance should Hapes become hostile, in light of all this talk of evidence that your guys had their heir killed, which would keep them quiet enough for you to work out some kind of peace deal. In return, all you’d have to do is go along with whatever hairbrained scheme she comes up with to knock the Jedi down and the only thing deterring you from accepting is that you don’t want to piss me off.”

Jag seemed surprised that she’d figured it out already. Perhaps she needed to let him see this side of her more. “Yes, exactly.”

Jaina shrugged, “Take the kriffing deal, Jagged. I’d prefer that over the alternative.”

“Seriously? You’re not even a little mad?”

She scowled at him, “Do you just live in fear of upsetting me recently?”

Jag looked a little embarrassed. “Well, you did threaten to kill me five minutes ago.”

“Jag, Daala is going to restrict and harass the Jedi anyway. Might as well get what you need from her,” Jaina leaned up to kiss him for good measure.

Jag still seemed unsure. “I will do my best make sure she doesn’t do anything too heinous, but I really don’t want to find us on opposite ends of a conflict.”

Jaina sighed. “Jag, baby, I’m a Solo and a Skywalker. If I couldn’t handle a little conflict I’d have been born to a different family. I won’t let this come between us, not my family, not Daala, anything.”

Jag gave her a rare sweet smile and Jaina felt his love for her glowing in the Force. “Good, because I was thinking the same thing.”

“Do I still have to see the psychiatrist?” Jaina hoped she could get out of it.

He shook his head. “Sit, while I go bring him up.”

Jaina contemplated escaping but the embassy was too secure for her to do that without Jag knowing. She’d just have to endure the brain poking and overly familiar questions.

“Please?”

“Sit still, will you?”

-

Han waited anxiously for Jaina to return. He wasn’t pleased tohear from Jacen that she was spending some time with Jagged Fel- not when his son remained convinced that Fel was involved in the attempt on Allana’s life. Leia wasn’t convinced, though, and Han didn’t want to believe it either. Jag was a decent enough fellow from the few times they’d met and he couldn’t deny that he also made his daughter quite happy.

Still, he wasn’t happy that she had chosen seek solace in him instead of her own family. It worried him to think that one day he’d lose his daughter to an Imperial, and a Fel no less, but he couldn’t help but wonder if he’d played a part in pushing her into his arms. With the revelation that she had been involved with Kyp Durron at such a young age, he questioned whether they had taken the right approach with her. There was clearly so much more to her than they even knew.

Leia had stopped him from storming the Jedi Temple and murdering Durron right then and there. He had helped Kyp out when he was a kid and it was more than just a betrayal for him to become involved with his daughter. If he didn’t trust his brother-in-law to handle it then he actually may have taken on the Jedi master.

Han shook his head to clear his thoughts. If Jaina didn’t want to talk about it then he’d do his best to keep his thoughts to himself. He wanted to help his family heal the rift that had formed during the war- particularly the one between his twins.

Jacen was seated on the floor, Allana across from him as they played a children’s hologame. It warmed his heart to see Jacen have so much affection for his daughter but there were too many unanswered questions that he’d dodged since his return that Han truly had to wonder what was really at hand.

Before he could ponder on it any longer, the door sounded as it slid open. Han was at the door before she could properly enter.

“Kid, you have got to stop worrying your father like this.”

Jaina smiled, a bit of colour rising in her cheeks. “I don’t mean to, Dad. It’s not my fault you worry about everything.”

Han pulled his daughter into a crushing hug. “Yeah, yeah, since when does having a boyfriend mean you spend all your time with him and not us.”

Jaina pulled away from him. “Well, that’s because I love spending time with him.”

Jacen looked up from the game. “Which you shouldn’t.”

His daughter moved over to the couch, plopping down so her legs bracketed Jacen’s head from where he leaned against it. “Which I should.”

Han’s hands found their way to his hips as he spoke. “You two better not fight again.”

Jaina picked up the holomag beside her and started flipping through its pages. “I don’t have anything to say to Jacen so no.”

“Since when do you have nothing to say?” Han raised a brow.

Jaina shrugged, putting on a casual air. “Since my psychiatrist told me that some things can be worked out internally without needing to be expressed externally.”

Jacen craned his neck to take a good look at his sister. “Your what now?”

“You heard me.”

“You have a psychiatrist?” Han asked.

She nodded. “Yes. I made the decision that it was time I stopped expecting any of you to understand me.’’

Han frowned at that. “What is that supposed to mean?’’

“It means…whenever I try to talk to any of you it accomplishes nothing. So I decided to see a professional instead.’’

“I mean…nothing’s wrong with that but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to talk to us anymore.’’

His daughter didn’t even look up. “I already made up my mind.’’

Han was sure she could feel his disappointment. Surely she could have told them years ago if she needed professional help. They would have been able to get it for her and more.

Jacen said, “Let me guess, Fel suggested it.’’

Jaina continued flipping through the pages. “He did. It’s actually helped.’’

“Right,’’ Han moved to take the seat beside Jaina, “I’m happy for you then.’’

She paused and thought for a moment, before smiling at him. “Thank you.’’

Jacen stared at her, mostly unimpressed before Allana was bringing his attention back to the game. Han wasn’t always the best at holding his tongue so he decided to press.

“So you have nothing to say then? Nothing about Kyp?”

He could feel her stiffen beside him and he almost regret asking. “I really don’t. So you all can relax.”

“It didn’t seem like nothing.”

She glared down at her brother, “Maybe don’t trust everything Jacen says.”

Her brother shook his head as he moved his game piece onto the lot that would lose Allana at least a hundred points. The child grumbled in protest, “Daddy, why did you do that?”

“Do what? I was just playing the game.” Jacen defended himself. “Also I don’t think you should call me that just anywhere. We don’t know if anyone has put any listening devices around.”

Jaina grabbed a tuft of Jacen’s hair, pulling his head back so their eyes could meet, “What is that supposed to mean?”

Jacen gave her a mischievous smirk. “What? He could have dropped one in your bag, or slipped it onto your shirt.”

Han blinked as he saw Jaina’s grip tighten. “You’re being paranoid.”

Jacen winced at Jaina’s slightly tightening hold on his hair and Han didn’t envy his scalp one bit. “If paranoia helps me to keep Allana alive then so be it.”

Rolling her eyes, Jaina roughly released her hold on her brother and sat back on the couch, choosing to ignore him rather than engage. It reminded him of the past to see Jaina manhandle her brother like she did in the past. She was always a terror whenever it came to wrestling and she’d proudly take on both her brothers- and win.

She was never one to back down from a fight though. Perhaps it was the psychiatrist’s influence.

Allana crawled into her father’s lap. “Jacen, why don’t you like Jag?”

Jacen flushed. “Well, uh, it’s not that-”

“Jaina likes him,” Allana interrupted him with a scolding expression, “So you have to be nice.”

Jaina laughed. “Listen to your kid, Jacen. She’s much smarter than you are.”

Jacen sighed, “Okay, I’ll play nice, but only because you asked.”

Han wrapped an arm around his own daughter, pleased with the exchange. This was what he wanted for his family- a chance to put aside differences and find love with each other.

“Would you look at that? Jacen finally understands the power a daughter has over her father.”

Jaina rested her head on his shoulder. “Maybe he should learn some other things too.”

Jacen ignored his sister, “I do, Dad.” He looked back at Allana who was settling herself comfortably in his lap.

“I really do.”

-

“Do you know why we’ve called you here?”

Kyp truly didn’t know. When Master Skywalker had asked to meet him in his office, he thought maybe he was being assigned on a new mission. His question, however, made him think otherwise.

Luke stood beside the chair before his desk where his wife, Mara Jade, sat. Both their faces were impassive and almost unreadable, the only sense he could get from them was that they were not pleased.

“I don’t actually. Is something wrong?” Kyp folded his hands behind his back.

Mara levelled a glare his way. “Kyp, when I asked you to take care of my apprentice I didn’t ask you to traumatise the poor girl.”

He felt his body freeze as his mind jumped to the only possible conclusion; Jaina had finally told her family about them. It was inevitable, he thought, eventually she would let them know that he’d pursued her and slept with her before she was of age. He kept waiting and waiting for it to happen until now, ten years later, he was finally going to get what he deserved for his transgression.

“I understand-”

“I don’t think you do. What the kriff were you thinking?”

Kyp looked away from her intense glare but was instead met with Luke Skywalker’s steely eyes, and they held the most anger he’d ever seen in them. “I wasn’t thinking.”

Luke finally spoke. “Tell me in your own words, then, what happened.”

He took a deep breath. “Truthfully, Master Skywalker, I fell in love with her.”

“She was your apprentice, and sixteen years old-”

“We were fighting a war. She told me she wanted this just as much as I did and, yes, I was an idiot to believe her, but I did. I believed her. It was a mistake and I’ve tried to make up for it. She hates me just as I deserve to be hated by her but I have still tried to apologise to her and make things right.”

The room fell silent as the two masters took in his words. Luke sighed. “Look, Jaina hasn’t actually come forward to accuse you of anything.”

Kyp raised a brow, “She hasn’t?”

“No,” Mara answered, “Jacen told us that he suspected that you had been involved with her while she was apprenticed to you. _That_ is the only thing we can professionally confront on you, and while she hasn’t come forward, you just confessed it to us.”

He swallowed, “Right. I’ll accept any punishment.”

Mara stood, walking around the desk to stand just before him. “Something like that we’d have to bring to the council. But that would require Jaina’s consent, wouldn’t it? Not that you know anything about that.”

It stung like a slap to the face but he deserved it. “Right.”

“We’re removing you from the Council effective immediately, until we can decide what exactly to do.”

Kyp nodded. “Ah.”

“She could press charges if she wanted to, you know?” Mara glared daggers at him. “Hell, she could press charges against us if she wanted to. You were supposed to be a guardian and a protector, not a lover, and whatever crazy notion of youth you were harbouring led you to fucking up on this level. So when Daala asks for your head on a platter, don’t expect us to protect you.”

-

“You did what now?” Jaina gawked at them, hands on her hips in typical Han Solo fashion.

Mara frowned at her apprentice, moving from behind the desk to place a hand on her shoulder. “I thought you would have wanted this.”

Jaina shook her head and Mara caught the hint of worry across her face. “Aunt Mara… this is the _last_ thing I wanted.”

“But why? I know you don’t want to tell us exactly what happened, but from what Jacen told us it’s enough to sanction him. Not to mention he admitted to it.”

“No,” Jaina shrugged off her hand, “What happens when the Masters start asking why he’s no longer on the council? You’ll have to tell them.”

“So?” Mara searched her niece for the truth, “Jaina, he had an inappropriate relationship with you when you were his student and a minor. We couldn’t reasonably ignore it.”

Jaina’s hand moved to her forehead, massaging her temples as she began to pace. “It’s been ten years! Of course you could ignore it.”

“What are you really upset about? Kyp being punished or the fact that you’re not?”

Jaina froze. “Why would I need to be punished?”

Mara’s arms folded across her chest. “I don’t exactly know how your mind works, Jaina, but I do remember what it feels like to be young and battling with being used by an older man.”

Jaina made her face at that. “Aunt Mara, this and _that_ are no way near the same thing.”

“So tell me why you’re upset then.”

“Because you didn’t even talk to me first. If you did, I’d have told you there’s no need to do anything like that. It was a bad relationship, nothing more.”

Mara’s frown deepened as she noticed the young woman’s breathing pattern change. It was becoming ragged and uneven and she wasn’t sure she’d ever seen her niece react like this to anything.

“So you’re saying you don’t want Kyp removed from the council?”

Jaina shook her head. “I don’t want that at all. Look,” Jaina paused to let in some much needed air, “I just want that to be in the past. He’s not- he’s not a bad guy, okay? He never forced me into anything I didn’t want so I don’t want him to suffer on account for my choices.”

Mara sighed. “Jaina, you were too young to make that decision-”

“But not too young for you to send me on missions that nearly took my life? Missions that took my _younger_ brother’s life? I wasn’t too young to kill but I was too young to sleep with a man?”

Jaina breathed heavily as she sat on the small chair in the room provided for guests. Her head was in her hands, preventing Mara from seeing her face. Mara didn’t need to, though. She finally understood.

As she moved towards her niece, she sent a wave of comfort through the Force and was happy that Jaina welcomed it. She knelt beside her, one hand on her knee as she tried to get a look at her face. “It’s the war, isn’t it? Not just Kyp, or Anakin dying, or Jacen going missing, it’s just the war.”

Jaina nodded, lifting her head slightly as she gathered herself. “Everything about those years, it’s just so clouded and mixed up in my head. It was the worst time of my life and I just- I just don’t want to think about it.”

Mara moved a lock of hair from Jaina’s face as she cupped her cheek. “I understand.”

“Do you?” Jaina’s eyes finally met hers.

She nodded, “I do.”

“Then reinstate Kyp to the Council and don’t bring it up again.”

Mara shook her head. “Jaina, what kind of precedence would that set? That Jedi Masters can have relationships with their underage students? That alone would justify Daala’s reasons for coming after us.”

“Right, so you’re saying that I’m giving Daala reasons to come after us.”

“That isn’t what I said at all,” Mara frowned. “All I’m saying is that I’m doing this because I think it needs to be done.”

“So back to my earlier question, when people start asking why then what will you tell them?”

Mara stood when Jaina’s gaze settled into an indignant glare. “The truth, that Durron is being sanctioned for an inappropriate relationship with a student. They won’t need to know it’s you.”

The young Jedi Knight pursed her lips. “And how long until people realise that it’s me? Maybe ten seconds.”

Mara didn’t wither under Jaina’s gaze. “Jaina, your uncle and I have already made a decision- without the council, I might add, to protect your privacy- and although you don’t agree now, I think later on you might.”

“Then you don’t understand anything.” Jaina stood.

“No, I do. You were a vulnerable girl who was in too many adult situations. In fact, you just convinced me even more that our decision was the right one.”

Jaina groaned. “Aunt Mara, you are making this harder for me.”

Mara raised a brow. “Really now? I’m the one who’s responsible for your anxiety disorder?

“I do not have an anxiety disorder!”

“Then why are you so out of breath and your face so red?” Mara challenged her.

Jaina hesitated, “Because I’m tired.”

“Jaina, there’s more than enough kinds of medication that can help with that. In fact, Cilghal could-”

“No thanks,” Jaina cut her off, “I already have one person poking through my brain, I don’t need another.”

“You do?”

Jaina sighed. “Jag made me see a psychiatrist.”

Mara’s eyes widened. She didn’t think Jaina would do anything like that. “He did?”

“He thinks I have post traumatic stress,” Jaina explained.

“You probably do.”

“Anyway, he made me see a psychiatrist who also agreed.”

Mara nodded. “So, there it is.”

Jaina looked away. “Yes, not an anxiety disorder.”

“You don’t think post traumatic stress gives you anxiety?”

“No, but…I don’t like putting a name to any of this. Much less taking medication like I’m a crazy person.” Jaina looked smaller than she usually did.

Mara wrapped an arm around her niece’s waist as she led her to the door. “Go see the psychiatrist again, or even see Cilghal, and do whatever you need to do to get better.”

Jaina looked sceptical. “Okay…Jag’s been trying to get me to go back ever since I went a few days ago.”

“He really cares about you, doesn’t he?” Mara was rather impressed.

Her niece smiled, and it was a gentle expression that mara didn’t see from her too often. “Yeah. He does.”

Mara gave her a soft kiss on the forehead. “Alright, young lady. Listen to him then.”

Jaina raised a brow and Mara was glad her humour had been restored. “Oh? You and my mom set a really bad example when it comes to listening to men’s advice.”

Mara laughed. “You’re right about that.”

-

Jacen straightened out his Jedi robes, an outfit he hadn’t worn in years, as he made his way to his uncle’s office. Luke had asked him to come in so they could discuss his role as a Jedi as well as seek his advice on what to do about the Jedi conflict with Daala. He was relieved that his uncle still held him in such a high regard even after he’d left without much explanation, and he intended to make the most of it.

He believed in the unifying force and everything he had discovered on his travels only helped solidify his belief. He just needed to convince his uncle that it was the direction that the Jedi needed to take.

The door opened for him as he approached, and he put on his best smile as he stepped inside to see Luke pacing in front of his desk. His uncle stopped suddenly and looked up at him, as if he hadn’t heard him come in.

“Something must really be wrong if it has you this jumpy.”

Luke smiled nervously. “Unfortunately, you’re right.”

Jacen nodded. “So I assume this is about Daala?”

“Yes.” Luke gestured for him to sit. Luke didn’t take a seat himself and instead opted to sit on the edge of his desk. “It seems she hasn’t decided to drop this vendetta of hers.”

Jacen didn’t think she would. “Was she not satisfied with your help into the investigation on the Senate attack.”

“There’s still no definitive proof, or even theory, of what happened. So our help means nothing.”

“Right. What hardball has she thrown our way this time?”

Jacen felt the flicker of worry in Luke’s presence as he answered, “Ah, that. The observer issue was struck down so she wouldn’t try that again. But my sources in the senate tell me that she’s thinking of coming up with a bill. One that would give her emergency powers to act as she wishes when it comes to any disputes within Alliance borders.”

Jacen nodded slowly. “Right, so she plans to do the same but with emergency powers instead of executive orders. It’d certainly make it harder for a High Court to refute her orders.”

Luke sighed. “Apparently, she plans to do it with some sort of clause that’s a part of a new agreement with another government.”

“Another government? Like one of the Alliance members?”

“I wish. Apparently it’s the Imperial Remnant.”

Jacen had to put considerable effort into keeping his anger from escaping his carefully constructed walls. The last thing he wanted was for his uncle to sense his struggle. “The unification talks.”

“Exactly. If her treaty with the Empire requires them to suppress the powers of the Jedi then they wouldn’t have much grounds to oppose that.

He shook his head. “Why would a treaty with the Empire ask for that?”

“It wouldn’t be worded like that, but let’s say for example the Empire put in a clause that would have the Empire act in their interests in suppressing any threats towards them, it could construed to mean that the Alliance would assist them.”

Jacen closed his eyes, finally understanding. “So Daala can act against us but then claim it’s a part of the Empire’s desires for unification.”

Luke sighed again. “Yes. That’s how my source described it.”

“You know that would require Fel to go along with it, right? Meaning I was right about him.” Jacen hated to sound indignant but he did try to warn them.

His uncle shook his head. “It would, but that doesn’t mean he will. I suspect this deal is on the table so that he can get some kind of insurance in the event that the Empire and the Consortium go to war. It’s only hearsay for now, but it could become a reality in the next few weeks.”

“So, Jaina is dating a guy who is going to sell out his deal with the Jedi so he can _oppress_ us instead in exchange for insurance in a war that may start because he tried to murder my daughter? Did I get all that right?” Jacen hoped the disgust on his face was evident.

Luke scowled, “Jacen, you don’t know that he did _anything_ like that. But, yeah.”

Jacen sighed, “I assume our treaty with the Imperials is dust then.”

“While we’ve received no word that they wish to discard the treaty, the Jedi aren’t a governing body and we answer to the Alliance. There are enough loopholes for them to get away with dishonouring it. Nor did it really specify what _they_ should do in an Alliance-Jedi conflict,” Luke answered him.

“So, Daala could bring back the observers. Or worse.”

“Or worse,” Luke agreed.

Jacen stood, looking his uncle in the eye. “For now, we don’t have anything solid to go on so there’s not much we can do. But I believe that as Jedi we need the freedom to serve the Galaxy. We can’t have that if our own government is against us.”

“I agree.”

Jacen thought about it, “I do know something we can do.”

Luke had a suspicious look on his face and it made Jacen wonder if he’d given something away. “What’s that?”

“Have Jaina spy on the Imperial Head of State,” Jacen said simply.

Luke laughed, “That’s funny.”

“I’m serious.”

His uncle’s expression looked tired. “Jacen, I’m not going to have her spy on her boyfriend.”

“Why not? You don’t think he spies on her? If you insist on having him so close to our situation, might as well make the most of it.”

Luke remained silent for a moment and Jacen hoped he was seriously considering it. Finally, Luke said, “She wouldn’t agree to it.”

Jacen shook his head. “She’s far more loyal to her family than you think, uncle Luke. She’s also loyal to the Order, she’s not going to forget about that for some pilot and wannabe Head of State.”

“I don’t know, Jacen.”

“Think about it,” Jacen put a hand on his shoulder, giving him a comforting squeeze, “There are many ways to spy without actually having the spy know what she’s doing.”

“That would just piss her off more, don’t you think?”

Jacen smiled, “Probably, but it’s worth a shot. Through her, we can have an ear in every decision Daala’s going to make with regards to the Jedi. We need all the help we can get.”

Luke nodded, “I see your point. I’ll even think about asking Fel to help us out too.”

That turned his smile into a frown. ‘He wouldn’t. Remember he needs something from this deal.”

Luke’s eyes were hard. “He is still our ally, Jacen. I’m not going to betray that.”

“Like he’s about to betray us?”

“Maybe, but we’re Jedi. We don’t compromise our beliefs when things get hard,” Luke argued.

Jacen wasn’t in the mood for another argument about the direction of the Jedi or their purpose in this Galaxy. “Then be careful, whatever you decide to do.”

“When am I not careful?” Luke frowned.

“I think my parents have told me a million and one stories about your recklessness,” Jacen joked.

Luke flushed, “I suppose they have. I appreciate the advice, Jacen.”

He smiled. “Of course.”

“I look forward to you taking up your post as a Jedi Knight again. Maybe you should think about taking on an apprentice.”

Jacen was surprised to hear him say that. “Really?”

“Yes, really. I have faith in your abilities.”

Jacen thought about it for a moment. “Thank you. And yes, I’ll think about it.

“For now, I have a very important task for you,” Luke said. Jacen raised a brow.

“What is it?”

“I want you to investigate the attack on the senate. I’m sure you have the skills and the force awareness to find something we missed. If you do find something useful it would be very helpful in resolving the issue and getting Daala off our backs.”

Jacen thought about for a moment. “Actually, I think I could be helpful in such a thing. Am I allowed to act independently?”

Luke shrugged. “I trust your judgement. As long as you colour within Alliance lines, I won’t have a problem with it.”

“Then, Master Skywalker, I’d be happy to help,” Jacen said with a smile.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Shrugging off her night gown and stepping into the regal dressings of a queen, with the assistance of her lady of course, Tenel ka assumed the role she held with a bitter fondness. As Queen Mother of the Hapes Consortium, she was responsible for the continuation of her rich and prosperous culture, one which has thrived for centuries. It was on her shoulders to ensure that petty court politics and intergalactic disputes never threatened her cluster of worlds.

She missed her daughter so much she could actually feel the ache in her heart, even if she knew the child was well protected in the care of the Solos. She had needed some convincing when Jacen suggested it, but in the end she had agreed that it was the best choice. The attack on the Hapan throne had been brutal and without the Force and her Jedi training, she and Allana would have never made it out alive.

At the time, it had seemed that faking the child’s death would have lessened the problems at hand. Now, instead of calling for her blood they wanted that of the Imperials. Jacen had always been convinced that they were behind the attack, but there had never been anything that linked the moffs or Head of State to the attack, just that the nanovirus was produced in an illegal laboratory in the Remnant.

With the recent attack on the Senate building being blamed on the Hapans, she had even more problems to handle. There was talk in the Senate of abandoning their alliance with the Consortium, stating them to be a unreliable and hypocritical ally. Instead, they courted Jagged Fel for a treaty, one that would leave her system underwhelmed should they enter into a war.

It didn’t make her feel better when more and more people, mostly arms dealers and war mongers, were digging into Allana’s death- most of them looking to pin it on the Imperials in hopes of war. Her own nobles were becoming increasingly annoyed with her, seeing her as weak for her refusal to outrightly blame the Remnant for the attack. For her, the only one who knew the truth, that would mean starting a war for a crime that didn’t even happen.

It was the price of keeping her daughter safe.

“My lady,” her attendant said, bringing her out of her thoughts, “Our ambassador reports that Head of State Fel is willing to meet face to face.”

Tenel ka shook her head. “I can’t risk a face to face meeting. Not with tensions running high.”

“Yes, my lady, but they probably fear espionage if we were to use a transmission.”

She sighed. She had known that soon enough a trip to Coruscant would be necessary. What she didn’t know was that it would be to beg for the safety of her system. Hapan politics demanded that they behave as uptight and difficult as possible didn’t help her case either.

“I see. Tell the ambassador that I accept. We can have the meeting on the Dragonqueen in Alliance Space.”

“Do you think the Imperials would agree to that?”

Tenel Ka shrugged. “Maybe, maybe not. Wherever they decide to meet, we don’t have much of a choice.”

“Yes, my lady,” her attendant said, bowing before leaving her in the room. Tenel Ka let out a long breath. The stress was piling on, and the loneliness that accompanied the position of Queen Mother was taking its toll. She’d give anything than to hold her daughter in her arms again. Going to Coruscant would give her that chance. Her own spies had informed her that Jacen was on Coruscant as well and Tenel ka took that to mean that he was officially back from his journey. It would be good to see him outside of secret meetings, but considering their circumstances she’d have to arrange something of the utmost secrecy to Allana and Jacen both. The Solos would surely help.

Throughout the years since she’d had Allana, she missed the contact that she could keep with them. The fear of her child’s paternity, and now existence, kept her from maintaining a strong relationship with them. She missed Han and Leia who had been parents to her in so many ways and now took on the burden of protecting and caring for her child, and she missed her friend Jaina whom she had grown up with as a teenager. She wanted nothing more than to rekindle that relationship- although she wasn’t sure what to think about her relationship with Jagged Fel. While she wasn’t convinced of the man’s guilt as Jacen was, she didn’t exactly like it.

She had met Jagged Fel during the war when he was a simple Chiss pilot running recon for his people. When her mother had been assassinated, by Tenel Ka’s grandmother actually, she had entrusted the young pilot with commanding her fleet against the Yuuzhan Vong. He had won them a crucial battle and had asked for nothing in return. He was as much of a hero as she’d ever known, and it was why she found it hard to believe he’d have a hand in assassinating her and her child.

She decided it wouldn’t be fair to judge Jaina for a relationship with him when they hadn’t spoken in years. Tenel Ka wasn’t innocent either, especially when she’d had a child with Jaina’s twin and the two of them had conspired to keep it from her.

Tenel ka believed that friendships transcended time and space, she believed that love lived on within the Force. She had to believe it, else she’d have to accept that her close friendship with Jaina was one that had an end in sight. She simply wouldn’t let it happen.

Coruscant, it was.

-

Jaina watched her brother with amusement as he tugged on his Jedi robes, no longer familiar with the style. They were both on duty at the Senate building, the security being upped since the attack. Although Daala and certain members of the Senate wished to curb them, they called upon them frequently to play guard duty.

Jacen wasn’t happy with it, and neither was Jaina, but there was something in him that she didn’t recognise. Something so foreign that she couldn’t detect it-and that scared her more than knowing.

“Stop fidgeting,” Jaina rolled her eyes, “They’ll think you’re incompetent.”

Her brother frowned. “I don’t see what the point in any of this is. They want us to cure the problem instead of preventing it.”

She raised a brow, “And how could the problem be prevented.”

“By being proactive. What’s the point in waiting for someone to bomb the Senate instead of going out there and rounding up the people who are planning to?”

Jaina pondered his words. “By that, you mean they should arrest people before they commit the crime. Oh, and they should somehow have the knowledge of that beforehand.”

“Yes. That’s what intelligence services are for, aren’t they? It’s much better than throwing up your hands and saying _‘oh well, just a bit of terrorism.’_ ”

She shook her head. “They _do_ have intelligence services. Jag tells me that Ashik had wind of some kind of attack the same day it all happened. It’s just that certain types of surveillance and preemptive strikes against civilians can violate beings’ rights.”

“Ah, Jagged Fel. How is your little play thing?” Jacen snidely remarked.

She resisted the urge to slap him upside the head. “He’s fine, not that you actually care.”

Jacen shrugged. “Maybe I just want to understand why my sister spends so much time with him and not me.”

“Did you bump your head and forget the five years you were gone? You expected me to sit around, waiting and weeping for you to come back? Please.”

Jacen rolled his eyes. “ _Waiting and weeping_ , it sounds like the name of a holo.”

“Funny.”

“Anyway. I was upset at first that of all the people in the galaxy that it had to be _him_ , but I don’t want to drive the wedge between us any further.” His words dripped with honesty and Jaina couldn’t keep herself from softening.

“Jacen, I promise you he didn’t do anything to hurt her,” Jaina tried to reassure him. It was important to get everyone on board with her relationship with Jag. She wasn’t planning on letting him go, under any circumstances.

Her brother didn’t look convinced and Jaina couldn’t sense anything from him. “You can’t know that.”

“I _do_ know that,” she insisted, “He told me so.”

“He could have lied.”

“No, he couldn’t. I’m a Jedi, remember? And he’s as force blind as a rock. He couldn’t pull off that kind of lie, not when I’ve asked him point blank.”

Jacen shook his head, “Fine, I’ll trust your judgement. I’ve decided not to complain about it anymore.”

She raised a brow, “Seriously?”

“Seriously. Tell me about him.”

“I don’t know,” Jaina started, “The last time I told you about a boyfriend you just nodded and shrugged.”

He frowned, “I’m sorry about that. I want to do better this time.”

There was something about the way he said it that made Jaina think twice. She decided against her instinct, “Jag is… he’s the best person I’ve ever known. He’s brave, honest, and-”

Jacen gestured for her to continue. She smiled to herself, “He really loves me, Jacen. He actually sees me for who I am and despite everything that I am, everything I’ve ever done, he still loves me. It’s not even that he doesn’t care, because he does care about all my mistakes and failings. He loves me anyway.”

Jacen nodded slowly, “Oh…I didn’t know that you two were that serious.”

“We are. I love him too.”

“That’s good to hear, I guess.” Jacen didn’t say anymore.

Before either of them could break the silence that settled, a rather well uniformed Alliance official approached the twins. He nodded to them both before speaking, “Jedi Solo. Jacen Solo, that is. I am General Baddow and I come to deliver a message from my superior.”

Jacen folded his arms over his chest. “Your superior? Would that be the Chief of State?”

“Perhaps. If the other Jedi Solo would excuse us.”

Jaina looked between them for a few seconds. “Right. Don’t let me stand in your way.”

She managed not to roll her eyes as she walked away, leaving her brother to follow the General into a nearby conference room. She wasn’t sure what Daala would want with Jacen, but to the public he was still hailed as one of their heroes. Perhaps, she wanted to use him to garner public favour, but she hoped her brother had the good sense not to be made into a pawn like that.

Jaina smiled as she felt a familiar presence around the corner and decided that she’d simply bump into him by accident. She tried to keep her smile to herself as she rounded the corner, feigning surprise when she was face to face- or rather her face to his chest- with an Imperial bodyguard.

“Oh,” she took a step back so she could see Jag’s face behind the man, “I didn’t know you’d be here today.”

Jag turned at the sound of her voice, excusing himself from the aide he’d been speaking to. “Ah, If I had known you would be here as well then maybe I’d have mentioned it.”

She had on a sly smile as she squeezed between the two bodyguards, internally laughing at their annoyance by her doing so. “We really need to work on communication, don’t we?”

Jag returned her smile. “Perhaps. But also the last time we met here, there was a lot at stake.”

“Are you saying you didn’t have fun?”

He cracked a smile. “I won’t deny it was thrilling.”

She looped her arm through his, ignoring the looks she felt turning their way. “May I escort you to your next meeting?”

Jag hummed, “Sure, if I had another meeting. Unfortunately all my business here is complete for the day.”

“So you don’t want my escort?” Jaina pouted and it was so out of character for her that he laughed out loud.

“No, of course I do. How about you join me for lunch instead?” Jag suggested.

“I’m on duty, Jag.”

Jag shrugged. “So? You’re the one always saying you’re a rebel.”

“That doesn’t mean I abandon the things that are important to me,” She pointed out.

“Ah, following around politicians who you couldn’t care less for is _so_ important.”

“Hey,” she scolded him, pulling him along as his security team and aide followed behind. “Let’s say I allow you take me away for lunch, do you think my brother would agree to pull my duty in addition to his?”

Jag looked down at her, “Your brother is here as well?”

She nodded, “Yep. He’s back for good which means he gets to enjoy the labour of a Jedi Knight.”

“Ah,” he said and nothing more. Jaina tried not to draw too much meaning from it.

“Fine. He’s in an impromptu meeting with some General so I’ll have to leave him a message.”

Jag smiled. “Excellent. I won’t disappoint.”

“You better not,” she patted his arm as they made their way to the private parking area. Only a select few were allowed to use it, and one of those was the Imperial Head of State.

Once they were within the backseat of the vehicle, and behind the partition allowing them privacy from Jag’s driver in the front. As they drove out, Jaina settled herself with her head on his chest and a hand on his thigh. She could fall asleep like this.

“How are things with your family?” Jag asked, one hand moving to stroke her hair.

She sighed, “Good. As good as it can be with my family, anyway. At least Jacen doesn’t think your sith spawn anymore.”

“Really? Should we pop a bottle to celebrate?” he joked.

Jaina playfully slapped his chest, “Yes really, he just needed my perspective on it, that’s all.”

“So, no bottle then?”

Jaina lifted her head to view the teasing glint in his eyes. “You know, you always try to get me to instigate so that you can maintain your straight laced reputation and blame any antics on me.”

Jag cursed, “Blast, you got me.”

Jaina rolled her eyes, “You’re so lucky I’m a drunk. In fact, you shouldn’t be encouraging me.”

Jag leaned over to pull a bottle of champagne from the small refrigerator in the corner of the vehicle’s compartment. “I am watching you like a hawk.”

“Oh shut up and drink,” Jaina grabbed the bottle from him. “Wanna see a trick?”

“Go ahead.”

Jaina grinned as she focused on the bottle, causing the cork to pop off in dramatic fashion, following the stream of bubbly which formed a spout until Jaina willed it to settle back into the bottle. Jag sat back in amazement.

“You must be a riot at parties,” he commented as he grabbed them glasses, allowing Jaina to pour the drink into them.

She nodded, “Yep. Everyone wants a Jedi at their birthday to do party tricks.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Jaina sipped the alcohol, delighted at its taste. “Jag, you always have the best liquor.”

“This job has to have some perks, doesn’t it?”

Jaina resumed her position leaning against him, closing her eyes as she allowed herself to settle into a comfortable silence.

Jag, however, wanted to talk. “I’m supposed to meet the Queen Mother in a few weeks’ time.”

“Is that good?”

“Yes. Or at least I hope it is.”

Jaina opened her eyes, searching his. “All I can say is that Tenel ka isn’t one to be underestimated.”

Jag nodded. “I know. Actually, I know the Queen Mother quite well.”

“Wait, what?”

“Yes, I assisted her during the war. She had just assumed the throne and didn’t have much experience with commanding a fleet.”

Jaina understood. “Ah. That would have been shortly after I left Hapes then.”

“You were on Hapes before me?”

“I was. Actually, Tenel Ka’s grandmother tried to marry me off to Prince Isolder.”

Jag frowned. “Really? How did that almost happen?”

Jaina hid her face to hide her embarrassment. “It wasn’t like I knew exactly what I was doing, just that she promised me the power to end the war. I left before anything could happen, though. Or, well, Kyp made me leave.”

“He _made_ you leave?” Jag’s frown deepened.

“Not like that, _Force,_ calm down. That was around the time I was falling to the dark side. I hate to admit it, but he saved me from myself.”

Jaina felt Jag’s displeasure ripple through the Force. He wasn’t even trying to hide it. “Right, he was just helping you out of the good will of his heart.”

She didn’t know why she felt the need to defend him. “Jag, he really did save me. Without him, I’d have fallen down that path and I wouldn’t be the person I am today.” She raised a finger to silence jag’s protest, “I hate him, you know that, but I won’t forget what he did for me.”

Jag backed down, seeing no way to get around her argument without risking saying something he’d regret. “Fine. It seems, though, that I missed meeting you on Hapes. By such a short period of time too.”

Jaina sighed. “Yeah, you did. I wonder what would have happened if we did meet back then.”

“We’d still be happily in love with each other?” Jag smiled as he made the suggestion.

She leaned up to kiss him. “I’d like to believe that. It sounds like you did quite a lot in the war. I knew you were an Imperial hero, but the Hapans as well? The  Chiss really loaned you out.”

Something in Jag’s presence darkened, and Jaina decided it was at the mention of his former service to the Chiss. It wasn’t a completely no-go topic for them, but Jaina knew his exile pained him.

“Yes…I did quite a bit during the war.”

“Can I ask you something?”

Jag hesitated, probably already knowing what her question would be, “Alright.”

Jaina took a breath. “Why did you get exiled?”

Jag gave her a sad smile. “The Chiss have a lot of complicated rules and customs that come with just as complicated lines of thought and reasoning.”

“That sentence just hurt my brain.”

He pinched her cheek, “I made a decision at the end of the war that was at a cost to the Chiss and to the gain of the Empire.”

Jaina raised a brow, “You betrayed them?”

“More like…I had forsaken them. I aided an Imperial Star Destroyer in one of the final battles of the war, leaving a Chiss destroyer to be eliminated in the action and thereby betrayed my oaths to serve the Ascendancy. That’s what they said on paper.”

“I’m more interested in what actually happened.”

He looked away from her, “That _is_ what happened. The only thing missing on paper was my reasoning. I had no intention of allowing the Chiss to suffer that many casualties, if I had known I probably wouldn’t have abandoned the Fleet to help the Imperials. But…Pellaeon was in danger and he’d personally asked me to assist like he did many times before. I ended up helping the Imperials out of the skirmish while the Chiss ended up taking most of the damage and casualties.”

While he hadn’t gone into much detail, Jaina had known well that Pellaeon was not only a mentor but a close friend to Jag as well. It made sense that the Imperial leader would have taken Jag under his wing after he had risked- and lost everything- to save him.

“You did what you thought was right,” Jaina argued, “You couldn’t have known how the battle would have turned out, and you were just one pilot. There’s no guarantee you would have even survived.”

Jag snorted, “I wouldn’t have, that’s for sure. I abandoned my squadron in the middle of a battle when they refused to join me in aiding the Imperials. Half of them didn’t make it back, and that was _definitely_ my fault.”

“Don’t blame yourself…I know how much losing pilots and comrades eats away at you,” Jaina tried to comfort him although she was sure he’d already spent years convincing himself he was to blame.

“Still, it was my blunder. So they exiled me for it, along with Ashik who was the only one in my squadron who assisted me.”

“Ashik too?” Jaina gasped.

Jag nodded. “He’s as Chiss as they come. But we’d spent so much time with the Imperials, with Pellaeon, that he agreed that it was a part of our mission to help them. We didn’t think like Chiss in that moment and it cost us everything.”

Jaina shook her head. “That’s still harsh. To ban you from seeing your own family- that’s just cruel.”

He smiled, happy that she wasn’t disgusted with him. “It certainly feels that way. But we understood our oaths perfectly when we’d taken them, so there’s no excuse. Perhaps I had gotten so used to the way things worked in the Known Regions that I’d forgotten how to act when I was under Chiss command again.”

“Don’t you want to see your family again? Don’t they want to see you?”

“Of course I do, but that’s just the way things are.”

The way he brushed it off upset her. There was no way she’d allow anyone to keep her from seeing her family and she knew how much family and loyalty meant to Jag. “It doesn’t have to be. How could they remain with the Chiss after what happened to you? I would pack up and go.”

Jag was silent for a moment. It made her question if she’d struck a nerve. “I don’t know. I can’t ask them.”

“You’re the Imperial head of State.”

“I am, and while I haven’t asked, I’m quite sure my exile is still very much real.”

She stared at him, sensing his distress clearly through the Force while his face remained almost expressionless. She hated the way he tried to hide his feelings, the way he’d brush them aside and bury them deep inside.

“It’s not fair,” she finally settled on.

A genuine smile came to his face. “It isn’t, but life hardly ever is.”

She laughed softly, the sound almost inaudible, “Don’t I know it.”

“I hope you don’t- I mean you have every right to- but uh, I would think that after everything you wouldn’t-“

“Just spit it out, Jag.” She wasn’t used to him rambling.

“You don’t think less of me, do you?”

Jaina was surprised to see the worry in his eyes, that he’d think that she could ever judge him for a mistake she would probably make herself. She shook her head, “No, never. I don’t even think you did anything wrong, honestly.”

Jag sighed, a little bit in relief. “That means a lot to hear you say. I think I’ve always struggled with doing what I’m supposed to do versus doing what’s right.”

She cupped his cheek, bringing his gaze to settle on her and her alone. “I think you did what was right, and that you continue to do so now. I see it in the way you work.”

He smiled. “Thank you.”

“Of course. I wouldn’t date just anyone, you know.”

“Right. I’m just one on a long list of _amazing_ people you’ve dated.” Jag rolled his eyes.

“I guess you have a point there. Fine, The new me wouldn’t date just anyone,” Jaina corrected herself.

He finally took a sip of the champagne he had been ignoring. “I’m the only one on this list, right?”

She grinned. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Uh, yeah I would.”

Jaina settled herself against his chest once more despite knowing that they’d arrive at their destination any second now. “Shh, I’m enjoying the moment.”

She couldn’t see it but she knew Jag was shaking his head at her. It amazed her how much she loved him, how much they could talk about anything. She was right in her earlier thinking; now that she had him, Jaina was never to let him go.

-

Tenel Ka sighed as she shrugged off the cloak that had obscured her face as she made the ninth vehicle swap for the day. Now she’d leave her most trusted bodyguards behind, and armed only with her lightsabre she would make her way to the safe house that she and the Solos agreed would be absolutely safe for this meeting.

As she entered the passcodes necessary she held her breath in anticipation. She would be seeing her daughter for the first time in almost a year- these types of visits were as infrequent as possible to keep suspicion from brewing. The door slid open and Tenel ka entered with a heaviness in her chest. She didn’t know how much Allana would remember about her and she was deathly afraid that the child might even grow to resent her.

“Mommy?”

Tenel ka’s eyes flashed toward the little girl whose head peeked out from around the corner, and through the Force she felt her daughter’s presence stronger than she had in a long time. While Tenel ka always had a piece of her concentration on Allana’s presence, she had almost forgotten what her precious daughter had felt like.

She approached carefully, and with a bright smile as she knelt before the child who looked excited but apprehensive. She scooped the child up into her arms, content to just hold her child for a few silent moments.

“I missed you,” Allana muttered from where her face was buried in Tenel ka’s neck.

“I missed you too, baby,” Tenel ka finally said, her voice scratchy and caught in her throat. It was more emotional for her than she’d thought.

Tenel ka heard the footsteps as they came, but chose to ignore them as she felt the familiar presence. It was nice to feel his as well. An arm wrapped around her shoulders and she allowed herself to settle into it.

Allana finally pulled away from her embrace, a happy smile on her face as she looked at her parents. “Are we going to be together now?”

Tenel ka had to force the smile on her face to remain as she said the words that would break her daughter’s heart, “No, Allana. It’s still not safe for that.”

Jacen stretched out a hand to muss his daughter’s hair. “You’ll still have to live with grandma and grandpa. But I’m going to be around a lot more.”

“What about mommy?” Allana held a sadness in her eyes that made Tenel ka feel more guilty than she ever had in her life.

“I still have a lot to do back at home,” Tenel ka answered as she rubbed Allana’s back. “But I promise that when things are safe we’ll be together again.”

She had expected the child to cry or make a big fuss, but instead Allana smiled and nodded. “Okay. I’ll keep waiting for you some more, mommy.”

Tenel Ka turned to Jacen then, “Are your parents here?”

He shook his head. “No actually, they were helping my uncle with some Jedi business and thought that they’d give us the chance to be alone.”

She raised a brow, “With Allana here?”

Jacen’s cheeks flushed. “Not like that. Just the three of us can get a chance at normalcy.”

Allana nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, grandma says that even though you’re my mommy and daddy, you guys aren’t married like grandma and grandpa are.”

It was Tenel ka’s turn to flush. “Uh, that’s right. Your daddy and I are…good friends.”

“But daddy is your boyfriend, right?” Allana looked back at her father.

Jacen struggled to say something, “Well, I mean. We’re not- um, like that I suppose.”

Allana’s head cocked to the side. “I don’t understand.”

Tenel ka wasn’t sure what to say. She and Jacen had been friends during their time at the Jedi academy but it wasn’t until the mission to Myrkr when she’d finally confessed her true feelings for him. With Jacen’s capture at the hand of the Vong, they never got to explore their feelings until after the war when Jacen had visited Hapes as a part of the reconstruction mission.

They had been unable to keep themselves from becoming lovers. When the war had taken away so much from them both it was impossible not to hold onto whatever they had left- and with Tenel ka’s fairly new position as a young Queen of a ruthless court without the guidance of her mother while Jacen had felt separated from his family from some time, they had naturally found comfort in each other. What was supposed to be a three day visit turned into two months, but Jacen had left before she discovered she was pregnant.

They hadn’t put a label as to what they were and by the time she had been able to contact Jacen and he’d arrived, they were too caught up in deciding what to do about Allana’s safety. Two years later they made the decision to have Allana live with her grandparents. Now they were meeting in safehouses to prevent them from being seen together. There had never been a moment for them to say what they truly were.

“Well,” Jacen started, “I love your mother very much. Just as much as I love you.”

Tenel ka didn’t know if her ears heard correctly, but what she did hear warmed her heart that had been hardened by years of ruling an entire system. She had always been comforted by the knowledge of Allana’s love, but now she could safely have the comfort of Jacen’s as well.

“Wow, you must love mommy a lot then.” Allana clapped her hands together, pleased with his response.

Tenel ka smiled softly, more for Jacen than for Allana, “Yes, and your mommy loves your daddy very much too.”

Jacen placed a hand on her shoulder, giving it a soft squeeze. “Is that okay with you, Allana?”

The little girl nodded. “Yes. I like it very, very much.”

-

“Tell me,” Daala sat back in the grand chair the Imperials had provided her with for this meeting. “Do you not want retribution for Pellaeon’s murder? He was a friend of mine, but I imagine his death hurt more for you than it did for me.”

Jag nodded. “Retribution would be a comfort, yes, but I’m not looking for the comfort of a false conviction.”

“You don’t think the Hapans arranged for his death?” Daala raised a brow.

Jag shook his head. It had been years since the man was murdered but there was still nothing that could ease his worries as to why. Pointless speculation as to whether or not the Hapans were responsible didn’t help, not when he’d inherited the issue of Imperial involvement in the Hapan Chume’da’s death- the one he was strongly convinced didn’t even happen.

“If you’re asking me if I think _a_ Hapan was responsible then I can say I don’t know. If you’re asking me if I think the Queen Mother was responsible then no, I don’t.”

“Why not? She has enough of a motive.”

“She’s a Jedi, Daala. It’s really not their style.”

The Chief of State laughed, “And you know this because of your close relation with the Jedi.”

Jag resisted the urge to roll his eyes like Jaina would. “I know the Queen Mother, actually. I don’t believe she would have any part in an assassination of this sort. At the time, there was hardly any evidence linking the Empire to the attack.”

Daala shrugged. “If you say so. I find it unlikely that _both_ these attacks occurred without either of you being involved.”

“You have such a great faith in your allies,” Jag commented dryly.

“Yes, well, it comes with the job as I’m sure you know.”

Jag folded his arms across his chest. “I assume the reason you asked for this meeting is because you’ve decided what you want to do about the Jedi.”

“As astute as ever,” Daala smiled, unable to keep the wickedness out of it. “Yes, I have made up my mind.”

Jag nodded. “Well then, what is it?”

“I believe that the Jedi are as dangerous as they are useful. I’d like for them to be an official branch in the military.”

“I’m sure Master Skywalker would say that the Jedi are not a military force but instead galactic peace-keepers.”

She raised a brow, “And yet they are the most formidable warriors we know of. You do see the irony in their thinking, right?”

He waved a hand, “I do. So, you want help in making them a branch of the military?”

“Yes, and as long as you do, we’ll keep working towards our unification. By the time that’s complete, I’ll hope to have the Jedi securely under my thumb.”

“I see.” Jag hated having to give in to her wishes, but if it kept a war from breaking out then he’d endure it. “But I must point out the hypocrisy in your goals. You believe the Jedi are dangerous, but not if they’re your personal army.”

Daala leaned forward in her chair, her hands resting on the table between them. “It’s a good thing you’re on my side, Fel. Otherwise, I’d hate having to contend with you as an adversary.”

Jag hoped he hid his disgust well as he leaned forward himself, his eyes hard as he stared her down. “Good for you, yes. Remember this though, you’d want not to damage our _friendship_ with your schemes. I wouldn’t hesitate to break our deal if you do something I cannot sign off on.”

“Of course,” she tipped her head to him, “I’d expect that from a leader such as yourself.”

“Excellent. We have a deal then?” Jag extended his hand for her to shake. Daala looked down at it for a quick second before taking it into her own.

“We have a deal.”

“Then how would you like me to help?” Jag eyed her carefully.

Daala grinned. “I’m sure there are some disputes between the Empire and some Alliance States.”

Jag nodded. “Yes, but they’re not in need of your new military branch.”

“I would like them to be. It would be an excellent way of testing their loyalty, wouldn’t it?”

“And if they don’t comply with your wishes?”

Daala shook her head. “My wishes? Head of State, they’ll only be carrying out their duties as prescribed by your treaty. I get to deal with some defiant states, you get to solve your disputes, and we both get to learn where the Jedi stand with us both.”

“Ah, I didn’t expect you’d ask them to side with me instead of Alliance planets. But now I know you won’t ask them to do anything at all, that’ll be my job.”

“Exactly. As to what would happen is they don’t follow orders- well, we both know how that works being military ourselves.”

Jag sighed, “Is that all?”

She took another sip of her caf. “Actually. There is one other thing…”

 


	5. Chapter 5

Tenel ka smoothed down her dress, adopting the air fitting of a Hapan Queen as she sauntered into the conference room that both her security and the Imperials had carefully combed through for any sort of danger. She had the Force to tell her that everything was going to be fine. Or at least, her danger sense wasn’t ringing off like it usually did back at home.

As she entered, she was greeted with the sight of her long time friend and sort of sister-in-law. She had asked for Jaina to assist her with the meeting. With her connections to both the Head of State and herself, it was easy for them both to trust her to coordinate the security effort.

"Jaina, it’s great to see you again.” Tenel ka hadn’t actually seen her since her arrival on Coruscant.

Jaina smiled, “Of course. You could call more often.”

They both laughed at the joke. To outsiders it seemed like a friend scolding her for not keeping into contact. For the two of them, though, it was an inside joke about how her contact with the Solos was kept at the minimum to reduce the risk of persons discovering that the Solos’ adopted child was actually her own.

Tenel ka had to think twice about hugging her, but in the end she couldn’t resist. Jaina accepted the embrace without complaint and it reminded Tenel ka of the many times they’d been this close in the past. Her life as a queen had taken so many things away from her, but it wasn’t often she thought of how much she’d missed the companionship of her old friends. Now was one of those times she felt it.

Jaina stepped back, clearing her throat as she noticed the curious eyes of the Hapan and Imperial guards. “Jag will be here in a moment.”

Tenel ka frowned. “You know, I’m still not too sure about you dating him.”

“Not you too,” Jaina’s smile faltered, “But I promise once we get some time, we can discuss it to your heart’s content.”

“Good. You shouldn’t date a man who doesn’t have your friends’ approval.”

Jaina looked a little worried. “I hope he can win it over in this meeting then.”

Tenel ka nodded. “I hope so too, my friend.”

As if on cue, Jagged Fel came striding in with the same confident air that he had back when he was a young hotshot pilot who had helped defend her system from being completely run over by the Vong. He stopped before her, executing a sharp and polite bow before her, again reminiscent of their first meeting.

Tenel Ka nodded and with a gracious smile extended her hand for him to shake. “Head of State Fel.”

Jag took her hand. “Your Majesty.”

He spared a glance at Jaina who simply rolled her eyes at him before snapping her fingers, indicating that the guards who were stationed inside the room were to move to the outside. Jag’s personal assistant, Ahsik, would remain in the room to act as an aide and a security officer for him while Tenel Ka would be allowed to keep her lightsabre. Jaina would be stationed just out the door in case of an emergency and the security officers would remain beyond that.

It was a meeting that required total privacy and security, any wrong move could jeopardise an already delicate situation. They took their seats at opposite ends of the table without a word. She knew on her part it was because she wasn’t sure she had the words needed to resolve the dispute.

Jag, however, seemed like he did as he spoke first. “I’m sure you already know of my arrangement with the Chief of State.”

She nodded. “Yes. While I can say I’m not at all pleased with the choice to abandon an alliance with the Consortium in favour of one with you, I do have to admit it was a smart move on your part. It has, however, put my system’s security at risk.”

“Your majesty, let me be honest with you, I have no intention of going to war with you,” Jag said.

Tenel Ka smiled. “Your moffs may disagree with you about that.”

Jag shrugged. “They are always petulant about everything I do. This will be no different.”

“Head of state Fel, let’s cut to the power cable. We are both accused of doing horrible things to the galactic security of another system. Whichever one will be proved, or won’t be, will be grounds for war. No matter what either of us wants personally, our subordinates will be hungry for blood.”

Tenel ka studied him for a moment, his face impassive as always. He shook his head, “While Pellaeon’s murder is one felt personally by myself, it doesn’t compare to the death of your daughter.”

“Ah,” Tenel ka averted her eyes, having to appear to be grieving. “I don’t want to compare tragedies.”

“You don’t have to.” Jag was staring at her and he seemed to be gauging her reaction to her words. Did he know something?

“Regardless, you have me at a disadvantage.”

Jag nodded. “Perhaps, but you don’t have to be. In fact, I’d rather not be allied with Daala the way I am now.”

“It’s a matter of convenience, as almost all treaties are.” Tenel ka more than understood his reasons.

“True, but some are also a matter of necessity. Like the damage and loss of life that a dispute with your consortium will cause. That it’s already caused.”

“You’re referring to the attack on the Senate,” she paused for a moment to contain her anger, “You can’t possibly think that I had anything to do with that.”

Jag raised a hand, “No, of course not. But I do believe that it was done by Hapan insurgents. There had been talk in the senate about dissolving their relationship with Hapes since they didn’t find it equally beneficial. Then I came to Coruscant to discuss unification with them and was attacked in one of such meetings. The only living attacker was a Hapan nationalist as well.”

“That’s all purely circumstantial.”

“It is,” Jag tipped his head to her, “Which is why I wouldn’t accuse you of having any role in it. I believe he was simply an over-zealous terrorist. What I’m trying to say, your majesty, is that there are more like him. Of the Hapan and Imperial kind alike. If we don’t find a solution to our troubles, these problems will keep occurring even if we manage to prevent a war.”

Jag Fel was as impressive as he’d been all those years ago, which made it all the more frustrating to be on opposite sides with him now. His excellent expertise and honesty- those were traits she wished could be more abundant in her own court.

“You’re proposing that we draw up a treaty?”

“Ideally, yes, but that in itself won’t help settle the people.” Jag took a breath before continuing, “We need to give them closure as to what happened to Pellaeon and your daughter.”

Tenel ka hoped the panic she felt inside didn’t show on her face. “I thought you claimed to know nothing about both incidents?”

“I don’t know anything. I assume you don’t either, else we wouldn’t have to be here. But suppose that we found out and could solve this mystery for good. Justice can be served for both parties.”

“What if fault is found on your part for what happened?” Tenel Ka asked.

Jag looked her straight in the eye. “I would take responsibility for any fault of mine, as I’d expect you to do the same.”

Tenel Ka was reluctant. Any joint investigation could possibly lead to the discovery that Allana had lived and that would prove to be disastrous for her. “Take responsibility how?”

“Depending on the gravity of the action then either of us would get to decide what to do about it. Can you agree to something like this?”

She nodded slowly, although she had a feeling that it wouldn’t be for the best. Still, with the façade she had to maintain to keep Allana safe it didn’t make sense for her to refuse. “I can.”

The corner of Jag’s mouth curled up in a small smile. He let out a heavy sigh, “That’s a relief.”

Tenel Ka mustered up a smile of her own. “Head of State, you must understand how difficult this will be for me. I want closure myself, but I’d like to know that at least the man I just agreed to work with didn’t knowingly have my daughter killed.”

Jag leaned forward, and for the second time in her life the first being when her mother was killed- she saw sympathy on his face. “I only have my word, of course, but I didn’t have any part in it. I would never do anything like that.”

Tenel Ka didn’t feel a lie, which was a slight relief, but he was a hard person to generally get a read on. “I can assure you, then, that I had nothing to do with Pellaeon’s murder.”

For the first time, Tenel Ka saw him look uncertain. “Thank you.”

She decided not to ask him and settled for getting back on topic. “Should this treaty be a success and the true culprits behind the crimes are uncovered, what would become of your agreement with Daala?”

“Daala and I both know that our agreement will last only as long as each of us gets what we want. It may ruin my chances of unification with the GA, but that can always be repaired at a later date.”

“Then we’ll investigate together and try to settle our differences.” Tenel Ka nodded.

Jag smiled. “I’m glad you agree.”

-

Jaina checked her chrono for the fifth time that minute, wondering how long this meeting would go on for. She hadn’t sensed any bad emotions from the room and her sense told her that three beings, all of whom she was familiar with enough to recognise, were perfectly fine. The unfortunate thing about security was that doing your job meant being bored.

She was definitely bored, actually, and had hoped that they’d have kept her in the room so she could at least know what was being done about the dispute. She wouldn’t ask Tenel ka, they hadn’t been that close in years, and Jag would probably just give her vague answers.

After about another hour of waiting, and trying to entertain herself, the door slid open and Jag came out, followed by Ashik an Tenel ka. She put on a displeased face. “That was long.”

He patted her shoulder as he passed by, giving her a sympathetic squeeze. “I’ve had longer meetings.”

Tenel Ka’s gaze fell to Jag’s hand on her shoulder, and Jaina wanted to know exactly what she thought about them after the meeting. “So have I.”

Jaina shrugged before looking at them both, “All is well then?”

Jag smiled at her, “A single meeting doesn’t fix everything but we’re taking steps.”

“I knew you’d be vague,” Jaina internally congratulated herself for being right.

“Sorry,” Jag said, but the smile didn’t leave his face. She took that to mean the meeting had indeed gone well. “Thank you for your help today, by the way. I’m not sure Ashik would have let me have one on one with the Queen Mother without your presence.”

Ashik’s expression remained the same. “I wouldn’t have.”

Jaina folded her arms across her chest as she regarded the Chiss. “So you trust me enough to play bodyguard when it’s convenient for you but not enough that you still subject me to security screening if I want to do something simple like drop off a gift for Jag.”

Ashik nodded. “Yes.”

“Gifts? What gifts have you dropped off for me?” Jag asked.

“Myself, of course.”

Tenel Ka laughed at the exchange. “As amusing as this all is, I must be going. Jaina, can I take you away for the rest of the evening?”

Jaina’s eyes widened. She didn’t think Tenel ka meant today when she said that they needed to chat. “Uh, I guess you could.”

The Queen mother smiled as she looped her arm through Jaina’s. “Excellent. Head of State Fel, we’ll meet again soon.”

Jag tipped his head in acknowledgement, “Of course. Jaina, enjoy the rest of your day.”

“You too,” Jaina said carefully. There was something off about two of them, a hint of distrust that shouldn’t be there if they’d accomplished what they hoped to. She felt somehow caught in the middle of that distrust too.

When Tenel Ka’s security had cleared everything after they’d made their way to her speeder, Jaina finally spoke up. “Okay, what’s going on?”

Tenel ka leaned back against the seat as the vehicle began to move. “What do you mean?”

Jaina narrowed her eyes. “Between you and Jag. It doesn’t feel right at all.”

“Between me and Jag? Jaina, I have no interest in your boyfriend.”

Jaina flushed, realising what she’d said. “I didn’t mean it like that. Kriff, that’s what it sounded like, didn’t it?”

Tenel ka laughed, “It did. I was wondering how hard you bumped your head to ask such a thing.”

“I meant that I can feel the animosity between you two.”

Her friend raised a brow, “Jaina, he’s still the head of the government that tried to have me and my child assassinated.”

“Yes,” Jaina admitted, “That _may_ be so, but I get the feeling that’s not it.”

“And as a Jedi, you trust your feelings above all else?”

“Of course. You should understand.”

Tenel Ka sighed. “I’m afraid he doesn’t trust me. I don’t believe he was responsible for what happened to Allana…but I do believe Pellaeon was. He, of course, would want to pretend like that wasn’t the case, so he thinks that I had Pellaeon killed.”

It was a tangled web, Jaina thought, but she was glad that both Jag and Tenel Ka could honestly profess their innocence in both cases. “I see. Why would he think that?”

“Of course, he thinks so. Most Imperials think it’s easier to put the blame on us, especially if it eases their guilt about what they did first.”

Jaina frowned. “Not Jag. He wouldn’t think that without something more solid than speculation.”

“You have a lot of faith in him,” Tenel ka shook her head.

“I have to,” Jaina hoped to convince her that he was worth it. “He would have a reason to let you in on such a suspicion.”

“Whatever it is, I wouldn’t know.” Tenel Ka turned to face her friend directly. “Jaina, I didn’t want to say anything at first.”

“Just say it.”

“I don’t like that you’re with him,” she admitted. Jaina’s frown deepened and she had to bite her tongue to prevent herself from saying anything without thinking.

“You don’t like it,” Jaina repeated slowly.

“I don’t like having him in a position where he’s close to Allana. Jacen told me you had him for dinner-“

“Stop right there,” Jaina interrupted her, “I’ll let you finish that thought in a moment, but first I have to get this off my chest.”

Tenel Ka nodded. “Of course.”

Jaina took a breath and hoped her anger didn’t leak into her tone. “Tenel Ka, you never once asked me whether or not I _liked_ you being with Jacen, and he’s my _brother_. Secondly, it isn’t my fault that circumstances determined that she live with my parents and she isn’t _my_ child. I love her and I’ll protect her from anything, even Jag if I have to, but I’m telling you that I won’t have to.”

“I know, but you can’t understand how much it worries me that she could be endangered because of-“

“Because of me? That’s rich, Ten, but if she’s in danger it’s because of who she is not because I have a boyfriend. What would you even say if you had actually managed to keep this a secret from me like you had intended?”

“We were wrong to try to keep it from you in the beginning, but I think I know exactly what kind of danger she’s in because she’s my child. I almost lost her once, I can’t bear to have to go through that again.” Tenel ka’s eyes hardened.

Jaina didn’t back down. “Do you realise how unfair it is for you to keep up a façade of hating the Imperials, and thus Jag, for something that didn’t even happen.”

“They tried to kill her-“

“They didn’t succeed!” Jaina threw her hands in the air, “Tenel Ka, one day Allana is going to claim the Hapan throne, yes? What do you think will happen? The entire population of the Galaxy will forget what you told them?”

“What do you expect me to do?” Tenel Ka’s voice raised. “I can’t allow her to be targeted until she’s old enough to take care of herself!”

“I’m saying you need to take a step back in keeping up this dispute. I know appearances mean a lot, but it is going to come back to bite in the future. Jag didn’t try to have her killed, and maybe Pellaeon did, but the man is dead. Unless you can find other conspirators then keeping up this pretence is only going to hurt more in the end.”

Tenel Ka looked away from her, unable to hold her gaze. “We shouldn’t talk about this here…it may not be safe.”

Jaina’s shoulders sagged in disappointment, her voice softening as she said, “Tenel Ka, she’s growing up without her mother and father. I know exactly what that’s like, and I didn’t have to pretend to be a different person and fake my death at age five. You may think now that it’s the wise thing to do, or it may feel easier to think that having Allana far away from you is safer- and that may be true, but it is not easier for her. She’s happy and content now because she’s young and has everything she needs, but when she gets older she’ll break. Please trust me when I say she will.”

Silence settled between them and Jaina winced as she felt the stab of pain that Tenel Ka was currently feeling. She felt like a jerk for saying it when Tenel ka surely had thought about it a thousand times before, but the lie was getting harder to maintain and the stakes were even higher. While she wouldn’t tell anyone about Jag’s strong suspicion about Allana- and it clearly wouldn’t do any good to do so- she had to warn her that the secret may not be safe as they think, and that it was better to get out ahead of things like this.

Tenel Ka finally turned to face her. “I’ll deal with that when that day comes, if I even live to see it. I can’t and won’t let this life endanger her like it did before. I’m sorry you find it difficult to keep up with all this and I didn’t mean to drag your entire family into my mess, but as a mother I’m always going to put her first.”

Jaina nodded. “I guess that’s all I can ask you to do. And Allana isn’t your mess…we don’t think of  her like that. I just wanted to make sure you were thinking of her first.”

“It’s comforting to know that you all care so much for her. Thank you, Jaina. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

Jaina reached out hold her friend’s hand. “Of course. I’m sorry if I overstepped.”

Tenel Ka smiled, “No, never. Were you speaking from experience just now when you said she’d break.”

Jaina snorted, “Probably. I think there’s only so much someone can take before they break.”

“I hope you haven’t been broken, my friend.”

Jaina felt Tenel ka’s comforting brush in the Force. “You know, I used to think that I was. Now I know that I just needed healing.”

Tenel ka hummed, “Was that healing in the form of a handsome Imperial?”

“No,” Jaina laughed, “Other people can’t heal you- they can help like he really did for me, but it’s up to me in the end. It’s like a bad wound in the field. You can get a medic to dress it but your body has to fight off the infection and eventually heal the abrasion. I’ve learned that mental health is like that as well.”

“That’s pretty insightful. I wish I could have been there to help you to heal.”

Jaina shook her head. “I wish I hadn’t left you on Hapes all those years ago. You were hurting from Jacen’s disappearance and Anakin’s death just as much as I was, and I wasn’t there for you when your mother died. In fact, my presence there may have caused it.”

“Don’t blame yourself for my grandmother’s scheming. You were just a child as was I.”

Jaina snorted, “Don’t I know it.”

“I don’t know if I’ll change my mind about you and Jag. I believe you, of course, and he helped me too in the past, but I suppose I can’t think rationally when it concerns my daughter,” Tenel Ka said.

Jaina nodded. That was fair enough for her to accept. “Of course… I hope in the future you’ll change your mind.”

Tenel Ka gave her hand a firm squeeze. “I hope so too.”

-

“I thought I told you we shouldn’t be seen together.” Jacen scowled at the blonde woman before him. They met in the shadows of an alley in the lower levels of Coruscant that Jacen had ensured would be safe.

Tahiri returned his scowl. “I got you the information you wanted, didn’t I? You know, I’m getting real sick of you using me to do your dirty work.”

His eyes flashed with anger. “We are in this together, Tahiri, you know that. In fact, you’re worse off than I am.”

She shook her head, “Yeah, no thanks to you.”

Jacen turned away from her, content with pocketing the datachip she had handed him moments before and simply going back to the business he was attending to. He paused when he felt her impatience shine through the Force.

“What?”

Tahiri circled him until she was in front of him. “You owe me. Again.”

Jacen gave her a condescending smile. “Don’t you think it’s a little pathetic to be so obsessed with someone you only shared one kiss with?”

Tahiri’s arm reached out to strike him in anger, but Jacen was faster and he side stepped to avoid her blow. His own hand moved to catch hers, locking her into a painful grip. He didn’t like having to do this but it was important to remind Tahiri of the power difference between them- and that he could destroy her so easily.

“Fuck you, Jacen,” Tahiri growled as she struggled to get out of his grip. Her foot smashes into his and Jacen was unprepared for attack leading him to release her. She stumbled away from him, her hand moving to her lightsabre clipped onto her belt.

Tahiri didn’t take it off or ignite it. She knew as well as he did that she could never best him in a duel. Instead she settled for maintaining her glare.

Jacen sighed, “I can’t keep flow walking you back to the past, Tahiri. It’s doing nothing for you but making you unstable.”

“Funny, how you said this would make me feel better in the beginning.” Tahiri’s eyes held so much disgust for him.

He shrugged. “I thought you knew better. That’s why I’m cutting you off.”

“You can’t do that,” Tahiri stepped towards him again, “You promised you would if I did this for you. I got you the information you wanted, now give me what you promised me!”

Jacen’s own eyes hardened, “You sound like a mad woman right now, I hope you know. I don’t owe you a thing. Not when I have the evidence that can send you away for a long, long time.”

Tahiri’s gaze fell to the floor. “You said there wasn’t any evidence left- that you took care of it all.”

“That I did,” Jacen nodded, “But do you really think I wouldn’t keep something as leverage? Especially knowing how prone you are to disaster I wouldn’t want you dragging my name in the mud with you.”

“You’re the one who brought me into this! This is all your fault, and you know it.”

Jacen sighed once again. “Tahiri, I’m going to leave now. Get yourself some help and, please, stop torturing yourself with Anakin’s death. It can’t possibly do you any good at this point.”

“You’re the one who dangled it in front of me in the first place. You’re the one who messed me up just to get me to do your dirty work and now you’re trying to make me look crazy.”

“Perhaps I did do that.” Jacen shrugged. “I’ll call you when I need you again.”

Tahiri fell to her knees, her face crumpled up in distress. “When are you going to let me have some peace?”

Jacen looked down at her in pity. “When are you going to create some for yourself? Tahiri, the galaxy is yours to do with as you please, and you have me on your side. Tell me what you want and I’ll pay you back for all the assistance you’ve given me.”

She looked down at the ground, “I want to be a good person again.”

“Good,” Jacen knelt down, his hand moving to grasp her chin to bring her eyes to his, “I can definitely help you do that. Just hold on a little bit longer.”

-

“I love you.”

Jag opened his eyes to look at her. Her head was propped up by her hand while she lay on her side, wrapped up in the crumpled sheets. He smiled at her, even in his tired state. “Do you?”

Jaina slapped his chest, “Of course I do.”

He closed his eyes. “Hmm. Say it again.”

“Why?” Jaina protested as she rested her head on his chest.

“Please.”

Jaina pulled at his chest hair. “Puppy eyes don’t work if you don’t keep them open.”

Jag winced, his hand moving to capture her wrist. “Please, Jaina.”

He loved the moments like this; they were few and far in between. Being alone together was when he felt truly happy. He didn’t have many friends nor did he have the time to make or maintain them. With Jaina, he wanted to spend all his time with her.

It was a rare day where both their schedules were free enough for more than a just a lunch together or a five minute hug in the Senate building. He wanted to make the most of it.

She remained silent, forcing him to open his eyes again. “Jaina?”

“What?” She sounded tired but not irritated.

“Say you love me again.”

Jaina laughed, “You’re still on that?”

He frowned, “Of course I am.”

“Fine.” She sat up before slinging her leg over him, straddling his waist as she looked down at him. “I love you.”

Jag’s smile was bright as he held her by the waist. “I love you too.”

Jaina rolled her eyes. “You’re normally more sleepy than this.”

While Jaina found it hard to get to sleep, he found it rather easy. Sleeping for long periods of time is what he found difficult. He was as tired as he usually was, of course, but he didn’t want to waste any of the time he had with Jaina sleeping.

“I am very sleepy. But I want to look at you a bit longer.”

Jaina snorted. “Cheesy.”

“Call me cheesy, I don’t care. I have to leave very early this morning and we both know how hard it is to rouse you from sleep.”

“Something which you should never try to do again.”

Jag laughed at the memory. He really wouldn’t try that again unless absolutely necessary. “I learned my lesson, don’t worry.”

She leaned over so that they were pressed together. “Let’s talk then, if you really want to get four hours of sleep instead of the usual five.”

Jag smiled, “Okay. How was your last session with Dr. Boren?”

“Oh, you know, Dr. _Boring_ said a lot of poetic things that I wrote down in the little notebook he gave me so that I can repeat it later and sound smart.”

He shook his head as he laughed, “You should be taking it seriously, Jaina.”

She smiled. “I am. I just think he’s too insightful not to steal his phrases in addition to him being my psychiatrist. I’m sure you’re paying him a fortune, after all.”

“Not a fortune, no,” Jag admitted. “Do you think it’s working?”

“Hmm. I think it is, actually. I haven’t had one of those panic thingys in a while-“

“Panic attack,” Jag supplied even though he knew she was only pretending not to remember what it was called. It helped her to downplay the experience altogether so that she didn’t feel crazy. Still, he didn’t want her to grow complacent with her recovery.

“Right, I haven’t panicked in a while.”

“Has he given you any insight about what to do about Kyp?” It was an uncomfortable topic for them. Jag didn’t like how his emotions got the better of him whenever they discussed it and Jaina preferred to act as if nothing was wrong in the first place, but Jaina had told him about her aunt and uncle’s action against him- and that she’d wanted them to reverse it.

“Uh,” Jaina hesitated, “He has.”

“And?”

“And…he thinks that I should stop _victim-blaming_ myself. I hate that term so much. I’m not a kriffing victim.”

Jag wasn’t sure what to say. He didn’t want to think of her like that either, he didn’t want to believe that she had suffered through any kind of pain- but the truth was that she had, and it clearly wasn’t something that she should be ignoring any longer.

“He is a professional, Jaina.”

She frowned, “So you think he knows more about me than I do?”

Jag was too tired to argue. “You have this amazing way of misconstruing things you don’t want to hear.”

Jaina looked away. “Jag, I am not a victim and I never will be.”

“I’m not saying you are. I don’t want you to be either, but if your psychiatrist thinks that may be so then there must be some merit in it. You said even your family thinks that as well.”

Jaina sighed, “Jag, I hear enough about it from Boring. I don’t want to hear about it from you too.”

He hated to have to drop the subject but he knew he couldn’t force her. It was just a roadblock she’d have to get over in due time.

“Alright. If that’s what you want.”

She rested her chin on his collarbone as she stared at his face. “My turn to ask questions. Why don’t you trust Tenel Ka?”

He hadn’t expected that question and with his sleep muddled brain it took him some time to catch up. “What do you mean?”

“I can tell that you’re sceptical of her.”

“Oh?” Jag stopped questioning her Jedi instincts a long time ago.

“Mhmm. Now talk.”

It amused him how easily she bossed him around- and how easily he went along with it. His father always told him that being in love with a woman meant giving her everything she wanted and he was learning how true that was for him.

“Well, we are in a very delicate situation and I did make an arrangement that left her system disadvantaged.”

Jaina continued to stare him down. “Then why not trust her? She can’t hurt you.”

“Beings act recklessly when they’re desperate.”

“That’s not the real reason you’re wary of her.”

Jag sighed. “Well, no.”

“Stop skirting around it.”

“Fine,” Jag looked at the ceiling above. “I think she had something to do with what happened to Pellaeon.”

He didn’t have to look at her to know she was exasperated. “Jag, you’re wary of her for the same reason you claim she shouldn’t be wary of you.”

“Still, Jaina, I am. I’m sorry if that’s unfair or irrational.”

“Why do you think she would have had something to do with it?”

Jag finally looked back at her. “To start, I don’t have a mystical power that allows me to sense lies or deception. Secondly, I’m just suspicious about the way he died.”

Jaina’s eyes widened. “I don’t think anything was released to the public apart from the fact that it was from a blaster shot.”

“Right. Before, I didn’t have an idea as to how the assassin got in and out without detection but as I’ve come to know you I think I found the answer.”

“Me? What could I have given you?”

“Not you specifically.” Jag paused as he wondered if should even tell her. “I think that the assassin would have to have been a Jedi. Or someone with Jedi skills.”

Jaina wasn’t convinced. “That would mean you think Tenel Ka did it herself, which would be near impossible if you think about it.”

“I don’t think that. Honestly, I don’t know what I think, Jaina.”

She softened. “Right, I get it. You just want to know the truth.”

He was relieved she understood. “Yes.”

Jaina sat up. “Next question.”

“Why do you get two questions when you barely answered the one I asked?”

“Who forced you to answer?”

Jag looked at her, amazed as always. “You did.”

She shrugged. “I don’t remember that. What’s Daala going to do about the Jedi?”

She really knew how to ask the most difficult things. “If I were to guess, I’d say she wants to rebuild it from scratch into what she wants it to be.”

Jaina’s hand gestured for him to say more. “Don’t guess, tell me what you know.”

“What happened to us agreeing that I can’t tell galactic secrets to my Jedi girlfriend?”

“Wow, another thing I can’t remember.”

Jag laughed as he saw the grin that lit up her face. She was way more mischievous than he thought he’d ever like in a woman.

“I’ll tell you that she’s going to start by questioning the Order’s reliability and reputation. She’ll have to justify making changes to your rules.”

Jaina didn’t look too worried. “She’s been doing that for years now. What will she have you do? Get on the holonews and complain about how we’ve thwarted the Empire time and time again? Nobody cares.”

“As blunt as ever,” he shook his head. “She hasn’t gone into much details yet but I have my suspicions.”

“Great. Your suspicions don’t count as galactic secrets.”

Jag had to think for a moment. He was getting more tired by the second and Jaina was also distracting him with how comfortably she sat on top of him- completely naked, too- and looking down at him with her beautiful eyes.

“I- I don’t think you want to know.”

“Jag.”

“She wants to make use of our treaty.”

Jaina raised a brow, “Is that all?”

“Fine, she’ll want me to indict Durron for blowing up Carida all those years ago.”

Jaina laughed. “That is not happening.”

“Jaina, I made a deal.” Jag knew she wouldn’t be pleased.

Her smile quickly turned into a frown. “Then sort it out with Tenel ka before you have to do _anything_ like that.”

“What does it matter if I do it? You hate him and I think he deserves too.”

“I can think of several reasons.” Jaina began counting on her hand. “One, I do not want my current boyfriend to indict my previous one. Two, doing so will _destroy_ the Jedi’s reputation and make us seem like criminals-“

"That’s the point of the deal,” Jag interrupted her to point out.

She continued. “And thirdly, he doesn’t need to be prosecuted for something he did because he was under the influence a dark side Force ghost.”

“Jaina, I hope you heard how crazy that sounds.”

“Nothing crazy about the truth.”

Jag raised a brow. “So it’s okay to commit crimes if your excuse is that an evil ghost told you to do it?”

“You don’t understand the Force or the dark side, so of course you’d think it’s crazy.” Jaina’s eys avoided his. He didn’t understand the Force, no, but he understood her and knew that she was trying to convince herself more than him.

“I think that a court should decide what happens to him.”

“The senate made a decision years ago. It counts as a hearing and verdict.”

Jag shook his head. “Did he tell you that?”

Well, he was lucky she didn’t slap him. She rolled off him instead, grabbing for her clothes that had been thrown off hours ago. Jag sat up, cursing himself for saying the wrong thing.

“Jaina,” Jag tried to smooth it over.

“Do you think I’m some stupid little girl who believes everything whispered in my ear while in bed?” Jaina fumed as she pulled her clothes back on.

“I did not say that, nor did I mean to imply it.” Jag tried to put a hand on her shoulder but the gesture was rejected.

Jaina shook her head. “This is why I didn’t want to tell you anything about it.”

“Why, exactly?” Jag had to ask. “I never liked him and now I have more reason not to. That doesn’t mean I think you’re stupid to have liked him in the past.”

“Because you’re making assumptions now.” Jaina said in the middle of putting on her shirt.

“Assumptions like?”

“Like I want him in jail?” Jaina paused to look at him.

Jag slid off the bed, moving over to her. “Please don’t get mad at me again when I say this.”

“Oh, this is going to be good.”

Jag sighed. “Jaina, you’re overreacting.”

“Oh my god.”

“I just said that Daala may ask me to do it, and that I won’t feel bad about doing so.” Jag carefully wrapped his arms around her, relieved when she didn’t resist. “If you still think I said something wrong, then tell me.”

Jaina was still in his arms. “I don’t know. Yes.”

Jag rested his chin on the top of her head. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I think I did overreact a little.” Her voice was quiet and she finally leaned into him. “Sorry.”

Jag stroked her hair. “It’s personal for you, I get it.”

“Dr. Boring would call this a setback. Or maybe a breakthrough.”

“Depending on what?”

“Depending on what I learned from it.”

Jag asked quietly, “What did you learn from it?”

Jaina remained quiet for a few moments as she thought it over. “That…that I’m unusually defensive of him even though I claim to hate him.”

He nodded, “And?”

She let out a breath of air. “And it’s because I’m really defending myself.”

Jag pulled back to look at her face. There were no tears and her breath rate seemed normal. “I’d call this a breakthrough.”

She had on a weak smile as she said, “I’ll ask the doctor just to be sure, but- Jag, I still don’t know how to feel about you helping Daala bring down something my uncle spent his whole life trying to build- something I believe in myself.”

“I know, I’m working on it. I just need to work out things with the Hapans.”

Jaina nodded. “Right. Again, sorry for overreacting.”

Jag caressed her cheek, “Don’t worry about it, and don’t think that everything you do is an overreaction, okay?”

She closed the distance between them as she kissed him. “Okay.”

“It’ll all work out, Jaina. I’m working very hard to make sure it does.”

She looked at him with hopeful but sceptical eyes, “I know you are, but it just gets more and more complicated as the weeks go by.”

Jag sighed. “That it does. But you and I, we are going to be fine. I’ll promise it you over and over.”

She managed a small smile, “Then I promise too.”

-

“The _what_?” Luke questioned his nephew.

Jacen shrugged. “The Galactic Alliance Guard, GAG for short.”

“You’re telling me that Daala requested that you lead this thing, with no prior official military experience _and_ you’re a Jedi?”

“That’s what I was told,” Jacen nodded. “I think it’s a good idea.”

Luke was taken aback. “How is that a good idea?”

“Well, it would be good for the Jedi to get some power.”

“The Jedi wouldn’t be getting any power, you would be.”

Jacen pointed at himself, “I’m a Jedi. Look, we’re losing support as it is. It would be best to get ahead sometimes.”

“Jedi shouldn’t yearn for power, Jacen. You know that leads to the dark side,” Luke scolded him.

“Uncle Luke, it’s a smart move. Besides, when she tries to enact her plans for the Jedi, I’ll be in a position to stop her.”

“I don’t know, Jacen. Something about it doesn’t feel right.”

Jacen approached his uncle, placing a hand on his shoulder as he said, “If you don’t want me to do it, then I’ll decline the position. But if I don’t take it, someone else will.”

Luke couldn’t deny that. It would be better to have someone who would be on their side in such a position, but the thought of Jacen having to sacrifice his morals- something those kinds of jobs demanded- made him uneasy.

“No. If you feel this is something you must do, then I won’t stand in your way.”

Jacen smiled. “I knew you wouldn’t. That’s why I already accepted.”

Luke raised a brow, “You ask for permission after accepting?”

His nephew shrugged. “I could always call it off if you were against it.”

“Jacen, just remember who you are. That should keep you in line,” Luke said.

Jacen nodded. “Of course. I have Allana to think about.”

“That’s the thing about kids, isn’t it? They make you think in a new light.”

Something in Jacen’s aura flashed, and Luke was unable to get a read on what he was really feeling. Ever since his nephew came back, he hadn’t been able to sense much from him. He figured it had something to with what he learned on his journey but still hadn’t been able to pin down exactly what Jacen had discovered. He had a lot of faith in his nephew, but there was too much uncertainty to keep him from worrying.

“Yes…” Jacen trailed off as he immersed himself in thought, “That is so.”

“Jacen,” Luke started, “If there’s something bothering you, you can tell me.”

Jacen snapped out of his thoughts. “Yeah yeah, I know. I’ll let you know if something comes up.”

Luke watched his nephew go, and in a split moment he felt a hint of darkness in his aura. He frowned as he thought over what that meant. Many Jedi struggled with succumbing to the dark side- he was no exception. But whatever it is, the Force didn’t seem ready to reveal it to him yet.

He’d just have to wait and see.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Jag maintained his sabacc face. “What exactly am I looking at?”

Ashik stood ramrod straight, pointing towards the document he’d just handed him. “These are the launch records for the _Bloodfin_.”

“And…I’m supposed to read all of this?” Jag stared at the thick stack of flimsi before him.

“You said you wanted the investigation to be as confidential as possible.”

Jag gestured to the stack. “So that means _I_ have to read through all of this?”

Ashik took a seat in the chair in front of the desk, placing a second stack on the desk. “Of course not. I will assist you, as always. We have about a hundred more of these to get through.”

“Ashik, this could take weeks.”

“The Queen Mother asserts that the nanovirus was transported on a shuttle launched by the _Bloodfin_. Although she claims the intelligence that she received that asserts this has gone into the wind, it’s an avenue worth looking into.”

Jag raised a brow but said nothing. If that were true, then he’d definitely be implicated as the commander of the destroyer at the time. It wasn’t hard evidence since multiple officers on board could give authorisation for something as simple as a shuttle launch but it was evidence nonetheless. He needed to exercise due diligence and explore all avenues that could lead to answers, even if it painted Pellaeon and ultimately himself in a negative light.

“Why is it all on flimsi?”

“Every few years, the records on our destroyers are printed onto flimsy and stored in secure locations. The logs are then kept up to date without the old data lagging the system,” Ashik answered.

Jag’s heart sank. “So you mean there’s no way to just quick search for what we’re looking for?”

“Well, we can at least manually search for the dates required.”

He grimaced. “We better get started then.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to do, Sir.”

-

Standing in the large hall of the Jedi Temple Jaina stared into the face of her twin brother, waiting for him to break into a big grin and tell her he was just joking. Unfortunately, it didn’t come. Jacen didn’t make jokes anymore.

“You’re…terrorist control?” Jaina made a face.

“It’s going to be the main goal. Turns out Admiral Niathal was very pleased with my findings in the investigation on the attack on the Senate building.” Jacen lowered his voice, “While the attacker was indeed Hapan, he had received an odd payment from a Corellian shell company. In the next few days you’ll hear about the arrest we’re about to make.”

Jaina frowned. “We? You’re already talking like you’re one of them. Also, you never told me you were helping with the investigation.”

Jacen shrugged. “It was confidential. The council asked me not to disclose my involvement.”

That left a bad taste in her mouth. The council had told her that they didn’t want a Jedi Knight to investigate and then had gone behind her back and enlisted Jacen for the job. She resisted the urge to bring that up.

“Ah,” she said before getting back on topic, “So now the blame will shift to the Corellians who are already in enough turmoil with the GA.”

“I have reason to think they’re some of the biggest troublemakers in the Galaxy. They’ve been linked to numerous terrorist attacks on Coruscant alone,” Jacen shook his head.

“So, all of a sudden you’re going to lead this new _GAG_ and weed out terrorists like a good old hero? You know that stuff isn’t as clear cut as it seems.”

Jacen scowled at her, “Obviously. But I believe it’s necessary.”

She shook her head. “You’re a Jedi, Jacen, not a crime fighter. That kind of work will lead you to do things that go against your beliefs.”

Anger flashed in his eyes, “Jaina, as you are so fond of saying, you really don’t know anything about what I believe. Just like how you got into a ship every day and shot skips out of the sky, I’m doing what I believe needs to be done.”

“Yeah? Then why don’t I fly for the military anymore? Because it’s not what I believe a Jedi needs to do. Jacen, we’re not under threat of annihilation. The Galaxy is at peace.”

“Exactly. I intend to keep it that way.”

Jaina almost didn’t recognise him. She had trouble even sensing his presence in the Force but the person before her, while wearing her brother’s face, was _different._ Her brother was the one who struggled with the idea of using violence to solve the problem of violence during the war. Now the man before her wanted to use violence to _prevent_ violence.

She shook her head. “Jacen, I strongly urge you to decline this position. It wouldn’t do you any good.”

Jacen recoiled form her, taking a step back as his gaze turned into a glare. “You know, Jaina, this jealous act of yours got old about fifteen years ago.”

 _What on_ \- Jaina grew confused. “My _what_ now?”

“You’re just jealous you didn’t get asked to investigate, that you’re not the one getting the opportunities that I am.”

The venom in his voice had her taken aback. “You think I’m jealous you get to run around imprisoning people and searching for terrorists? If I were a sociopath, maybe, but that’s not my idea of saving the galaxy.”

Jacen shook his head, his disgust with her showing clearly. She wasn’t really sure why he was so suddenly upset with her, but what surprised her more was that she wasn’t even the slightest upset with him. She just wanted to understand him more than anything else.

“You know what I mean, Jaina. You’ve always insisted on harping on my accomplishments to make you feel better about yourself. I’m just sick of it.”

 _Harping_? Jaina raised her hands up as a barrier between them. “Maybe I did in the past. I’ll own up to that, no problem. But I am genuinely concerned about the path you’re taking.”

“Oh, and the one you’re taking is better? Sitting on the lap of a child killing, emotionless robot-“

Jaina didn’t have to say anything. He cut himself off before he could say anymore, although it was already out before either of them even really processed what he said. Jaina’s face twisted in disgust, nodding slowly as she added to the growing distance between them.

“I’m sorry,” Jacen said quietly, finally seeming more like himself.

It was too late, though, and although Jaina didn’t feel anger, she felt something else entirely. “You’re not. This is the second time you’ve said something like this, but this time I’m not mad.”

Jacen’s eyes widened. “You’re not?”

“No,” Jaina allowed the single tear forming in her eye to fall. “I’m hurt.”

Jacen, alarmed at his sister’s tears, quickly moved to pull her into a hug which the shorter Jedi side stepped quite skilfully. “That was mean and sexist, and completely irrelevant to the conversation-“

Jaina raised a hand to silence him. “Save it. I realise you have no interest in actually making things right between us.”

“That’s not true.” Jacen frowned.

“No, it is. Honestly, I don’t know who you are anymore, and you seem to have some really fucked up and distorted idea of who I am. So do what you want, but please, just leave me out of it.” Jaina turned on her heel as she started down the corridor.

Jacen followed behind her for a few paces before he said, “One day you’ll understand what I’m trying to accomplish. I won’t give up on you like you’ve given up on me.”

Jaina paused, contemplating turning around and allowing them to continue this toxic cycle of hostility that they’d devolved into. Instead, she simply turned her head to say over her shoulder, “I’m done waiting for you, Jacen. I hope, one day, we see things the same way too, but I’m not holding my breath.”

With that, she kept moving. Jacen didn’t follow.

-

Jacen stood upright, hands clasped behind his back as he met with the officials before him, Alliance admirals, senators, and the Chief of State herself. The atmosphere in the room was pensive as each attendant thought over what he’d just reported.

Daala was the first to speak, “I need more evidence.”

Jacen nodded, “I assumed you would.”

“Good. You’ll go to Corellia at once to get it.” Her eyes were hard and Jacen felt her distrust clearly through the Force. Still, she was at least trusting him with this mission.

“Of course. I assure you I’ll get the evidence you need to curb Sal-Solo’s ambitions.”

“He is your cousin, isn’t he?” Admiral Niathal questioned him.

Jacen grimaced. He had come from a line of heroes, but he was also related to the infamous Thrackan Sal-Solo, his father’s first cousin, who had managed to seize control of Corellia’s Five Worlds. While there was no love for that side of the family, as a child he had to dodge many assassination attempts planned by Sal-Solo, it was still a stain on the family’s otherwise upstanding reputation. That, and the fact that his grandfather was Darth Vader.

“He is,” Jacen answered, “But family connections wouldn’t make me compromise a mission, especially not when it comes to someone as nefarious as Sal-Solo.”

Daala raised a brow, “Is that so? What about your family connections with the Jedi? If I were to allow you to take up the post as the GAG commander, I would expect you to act in the Alliance’s interests.”

“I would. My family are my family, yes, but my loyalty is ultimately to the Alliance.” No one else in the room had the Force, but if they did they would be able to sense he was telling the truth. He intended to get rid of all threats in the Galaxy that could threaten peace and stability- and he wouldn’t let the Jedi’s idealism stand in his way. His own sister disapproved of what he was doing before he even did it.

“Let your actions speak for themselves, Solo,” Daala said. “But if you can get an arrest this big then I’d have no choice but to support your bid for the position.”

Jacen bowed respectfully, “Of course. I’ll take my leave then.”

-

“Siblings fight all the time, Jaina.” Jag was saying, and even through the commlink he sounded distracted.

Jaina shook her head. “I don’t know. It felt like a break up somehow.”

“Just give it time. He’ll come around.”

“I doubt it,” Jaina paused as she heard the rustle of flimsy through the commlink. “What are you up to?”

“Would you be satisfied if I said it’s classified?” Jag’s tone didn’t sound hopeful.

“Nope.”

Jag sighed, “Right. I’m digging through some records for something the Queen Mother wants double checked.”

Jaina smiled. “I’m glad you’re actually working together instead of sniping at each other’s throats.”

“For now, yes, but our agreement is a sort of cease fire until someone finds a reason to snipe at the other.”

Her face fell. “Seriously? What is with you politicians?”

“Not everyone has the unending forgiveness of the Jedi,” Jag commented dryly. “It would make either side seem weak if they backed down.”

“But it’d save a lot of effort and ultimately lives in the end,” Jaina argued.

“Maybe but both sides would ultimately need to desist to end a conflict, correct? At least now we can get some hard facts and answers.”

“Right. Speaking of investigations, how goes the one into what happened at the Senate?”

“I hear that perhaps your cousin had something to do with it and not the Hapans. I don’t know whether to be relieved or more worried.”

Jaina groaned, “I hate when people refer to that slimeball as my cousin.”

“Well, he is your cousin.”

“He’s tried to have my family killed multiple times. Even when I was a child.”

Jag didn’t sound too keen on the conversation as he said, “Ah, okay.”

“ _‘Ah, okay’_ is all you have to say.” Jaina folded her arms across her chest.

“Actually, Jaina, I’ll have to call you back.” Jag sounded urgent.

She frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“I’ll tell you about it later,” he said before the call ended with a click. Jaina stared at the device in her hand. _Did he just hang up on me?_

It was probably something serious that needed his immediate attention. Had he found something? Jaina wouldn’t know until the next time he was free- which could be a few days knowing her luck.

Jaina decided not to dwell on it. She had to convince her uncle that the worst thing that could happen to her brother is become the commander of this newly formed Galactic Alliance Guard. She pocketed her commlink and made her way from the Temple’s cafeteria and to the Grand master’s office.

After pressing the door chime twice, she frowned when there was no answer. It was possible that her uncle had business to attend to elsewhere, but these days he almost lived at the Temple. She did a quick scan of the corridor to ensure that no one is around before she punched in the access code that she- or any other Jedi Knight- should have known.

The door slid open, allowing Jaina to step in. Three pairs of eyes were on her, and Jaina immediately regret breaking in. Kyp Durron was sat in front of her aunt and uncle, probably getting the boot because of her. This was the last thing she needed to see.

Before she could turn around and bolt through the door Mara was calling after, “Jaina, wait.”

Jaina paused, her back still to the group as she said a silent prayer for stability. She turned around slowly. “Sorry about barging in. I guess I should have respected the locked door.”

Kyp was looking at her, the apology in his eyes that had been there for years. She wanted him to be angry, to be evil somehow so she could point a finger at him and blame him for ruining her life. She hated feeling sorry for him more than she actually hated him.

“Well, since you’re here,” Luke said. “It was time we sort this out for good.”

“I really, _really_ don’t want to,” Jaina looked behind her to see the door had already closed.

Mara moved across the room, placing her hands on Jaina’s shoulders as she looked her directly in her eyes. “We have to, before things get worse.”

Jaina’s gaze turned to Kyp who sat slumped in the chair, his back to her. Through the Force she felt his anxiety even worse than her own. Good.

She folded her arms across her chest. “Fine.”

Luke sighed. “Jaina, you need to be completely honest with us. Do you think that your relationship with Kyp was appropriate?”

She stiffened, and she hated to have this conversation here with Kyp present. But she’d put it off for years, the inevitable dealing with what had transpired all those years ago. There was guilt and shame, and other feelings she didn’t quite understand. She didn’t know whether she was right or wrong- or if she imagined things worse than they were, if this was just the biggest overreaction of her life.

Then she took herself out of the equation and put herself in her uncle’s shoes. If she had trusted her teenage niece with a grown man to be her teacher only to find out they’d been in an adult relationship- she’d be furious.

Sighing, Jaina said, “No, I don’t.”

The room was quiet and Jaina contemplated making her escape before Kyp finally spoke. “It was. I accept responsibility for what I did.”

Jaina swallowed the guilt that was building up in her throat. It took a lot of effort not to start shaking when she thought of what this would mean for the Jedi master- no matter how much she hated him she didn’t want anything to change.

Mara moved to stand in front of Kyp. “How about a probation? If Jaina doesn’t want to do anything more then we’ll discuss with the council what to do. It’ll be a decision for the whole council to make. For now, you shouldn’t be leaving the Temple and you sure as hell better not try anything.”

“Yes,” Luke nodded. “You should also make sure you don’t find yourself running into Jedi Solo.”

Jaina coughed, “Uh, right here?”

Luke raised a brow, “You want to talk to him?”

She couldn’t believe what she was saying. “I do, just this once. Alone.”

Her aunt looked sceptical. “Jaina, are you sure?”

“I’m not a little girl anymore, Aunt Mara. I can handle this.”

As her aunt and uncle reluctantly shuffled out of the office, Jaina slowly approached the chair Kyp was seated in. It was satisfying to watch him squirm as she circled him, finally standing up before him. His eyes looked as warm as she’d remembered them but they didn’t hold the anger or impatience that had clouded them before.

She took a deep breath. “I don’t want to hear you apologise anymore.”

Kyp attempted a weak smile, “I need to keep doing it though.”

“Why? I heard you the first five times.”

Kyp’s hands moved from where they were folded in his lap to the arms of the chair, “Because I want to make things right. I need to.”

“And barking the same old apology is going to make things right?” Jaina rolled her eyes.

“Well, I mean I’ll keep apologising until you decide that all that can be forgiven is forgiven.”

Jaina leaned against the desk behind her, surprised that she was still mostly composed. It felt like a regular conversation between two adults, unlike before when she’d feel like a lost teenager trapped in an adult’s body.

“You want the truth Kyp?” Jaina waited for him to nod his response before continuing, “I don’t hate you, and that’s what upsets me the most. Our relationship was unhealthy and crazy. It was abusive because you were my teacher and I was a child. But you still saved me from myself too many times to count, and you were the only person there after I’d lost my brothers. That complication confuses me, it frustrates me, it torments me. I don’t know how to feel about you. I honestly don’t.”

Kyp’s eyes fell to the floor as he thought over his words. Jaina hated transferring her guilt onto him but she didn’t want to be the one carry this burden anymore.

He nodded again. “Whatever you do feel, I understand. I guess I don’t want you to fall again- I don’t want you to make the same mistake I did.”

“I won’t fall…Kyp I’m not like you. I’m not going to get possessed by some ghost that tells me to blow up planets, and I’m not going to seek redemption and comfort in an apprentice who doesn’t understand the world yet. I don’t blame you for every negative feeling I have. But I do blame you for a lot of them. I loved you-“ Jaina’s throat constricted and she had to pause to compose herself-“Whether it was romantic love or something else, I still loved you, and growing up only to realise it made me a worse person makes me feel dirty and disgusting. I feel horrible about myself.”

Jaina took another shaky breath. “I never thought I’d be one of those stupid girls who got themselves into bad situations- but I am, clearly. I feel guilty and ashamed about it, and I’m tired of that. I’m also tired of having to feel like I’m broken because of the past. I don’t hate you Kyp, and I don’t want to. I just want to be done with you permanently.”

Kyp was stunned, she could see it in his face and through the Force. He had to take a minute to formulate a response. Standing slowly, Kyp said, “I’ll leave.”

“What?”

“I’ll leave, permanently. Disappear, I guess.”

Jaina shook her head. “No, you’re not getting it. I don’t care what you do. If you want to leave, by all means do it, but don’t do it because of me. Let’s not do anything because of the other. You need to be as finished with me as I am with you.”

“Oh,” Kyp swallowed nervously, “I see-“

“This isn’t forgiveness, don’t mistake this as forgiveness. But this is me moving on from you forever. You need to do the same.”

Jaina stepped around him, moving towards the door. Kyp turned to face her, but remained silent as he was unsure of what to say. Jaina looked at him one last time before palming the door open, then with a flash of brown hair, she walked out.

-

Leia smoothed down Allana’s hair before pulling the covers up to the girl’s shoulders. It was one of her favourite things about caring for the child, the nights where she’d read her a story and tuck her into bed after she inevitably falls asleep about halfway through. Leia picked up the cup of cocoa that Han had made them earlier and that Allana insisted she’d finish before going to sleep. Leia smiled to herself as she watched the liquid slosh around in the mug, amused that her granddaughter had again left more than half of the drink.

As she shuffled out of the room, ensuring that it slid shut behind her, Leia was met with a tingle of warning from the Force. It didn’t feel like danger, but Leia wasn’t properly trained in the Force like her children were so Leia put herself on alert. Moving to the kitchen, she picked up the lightsabre that she called her own which she’d left on the caf table before she’d taken Amelia to bed while Han took to washing the dishes.

“Han,” Leia called out, “Something’s off.”

Han peeked out from the kitchen, hands still wet, as he said, “Something like what?”

Leia shrugged. “I don’t know. I just felt something weird in the Force.”

“Is Amelia okay?’’

She nodded. “Of course. It doesn’t feel like impending danger…but it felt like a warning anyway.”

As if on cue, the door chime went off and both pairs of eyes narrowed in its direction. Han’s hand was already on his hip where his blaster could always be found while Leia already had her lightsabre in hand.

Leia cautiously moved over to the door, tapping the screen to the side which allowed her access to the camera posted outside the door. She was shocked, therefore, when she saw who it was.

Leia opened the door without hesitation, her eyes widening when she saw the young woman before her, eyes red and tired, her blonde hair messy and clearly uncombed for probably weeks.

“Tahiri?” Leia gasped. Han was finally at the doorway, his own shock showing on his face as he recognised her.

“You look like a wreck, kid,” Han ushered her in without much concern.

Tahiri managed a weak smile, “Hi.”

“Where have you been?” Leia asked as they led her to sit on the sofa. She signalled for Han to make her another cup of cocoa since she looked rather cold in addition to her dishevelled state.

“I’ve been on Coruscant for some time now actually…I’ve been waiting, I guess.”

“Waiting for what?”

Tahiri hesitated, “I saw Jaina the other day. I thought she would have told you.”

Leia shook her head, “No. She didn’t say anything to us about it. What are you waiting for, Tahiri?”

Tahiri’s hands were in her lap as she nervously played with her fingers. “A sign, I guess.”

Han returned from the kitchen with the hot drink and he quickly moved to press the cup into the now trembling girl’s hands. Once he saw she’d taken a few sips, Han finally took the other seat beside her. Leia was happy that both she and Han had a parental streak and despite having children of their own, they always seemed to take on more surrogate kids. Tahiri had meant a lot to Anakin, and to them as well, and the girl had no parents of her own. They were happy to help her in any way they could.

“Hey, you can talk to us,” Han was saying and Leia ensured her smile was warm and inviting.

“Han…Leia…I made a big mistake.” Tahiri’s eyes avoided theirs.

Han placed a hand on her shoulder. “What kind of mistake, kid?”

“A really, really big one,” Tahiri bit her lip as she finally looked up at them, her eyes shiny with tears. “And your son made me do it.”

Leia’s confusion was plain on her face. At first she had thought Tahiri meant Anakin, but after a few moments she realised that she must have been referring to Jacen. But that didn’t make much sense to her- Jacen and Tahiri were an unlikely pair and her own son had been away for quite some time.

“Do what exactly?” Han said slowly.

Tahiri shook her head, “Please, you have to promise to help me- to help me do what’s right.”

“Tahiri, you’re really scaring us,” Leia’s sense of dread was getting more prominent by the seconds. She knew whatever the girl had holding back, it was big.

Tahiri took a deep breath, steeling herself for a moment before speaking. “I killed Gilad Pellaeon.”

It took her a while to process the statement, and she barely noticed that Han had withdrawn his hand from Tahiri’s shoulder.

“You did _what_?” Han gaped at her, completely in disbelief.

Tahiri let the tears fall freely, “I thought I was doing the right thing. Jacen told me-”

“Jacen told you what exactly?” Leia interrupted her. Her heart was in her stomach as she already knew what the girl was going to say.

“He told me to do it- that Pellaeon was going to do something really bad and that the only way to stop it was to take him out.” Tahiri moved a single hand to wipe away the tears blurring her vision. “But then nothing happened, I caused an intergalactic situation and then Jacen just- he just disappeared on me and told me to do the same.”

Leia sat back against the couch as her mind raced through all the ramifications to Tahiri’s confession. “You’re saying Jacen told you to assassinate the Grand Admiral- and you did.”

She nodded slowly. “More than that. He gave me all the intel, got me on board and off. I trusted him, I really did.”

Han’s head rested in his hands as the reality was settling on him too. Leia was too concerned with discovering the whole truth to let her emotions get the better of her. “What did he tell you the Imperials were going to do?”

“Use Anakin’s DNA to reactivate Centrepoint Station. He- Jacen and I had been flow walking into the past. He was helping me to see Anakin again. To get closure. Except I know now he only did it to mess with my head and make me into a killer.”

Leia swallowed the lump forming in her throat. “Tahiri, are you sure?”

She nodded. “I can’t forget looking an old man in the eye and blasting him because I was stupid enough to believe Jacen.”

“Why come forward now? And why to us and not the authorities?” Han finally spoke.

“Well, there’s no proof. Jacen made sure there wouldn’t be any, so I let it go, I tried to but the guilt- then I saw on the holonews that he he’s heading this new Galatic Alliance Guard.”

Han grimaced, “Right. We weren’t pleased to hear about that.”

Tahiri nodded. “I knew you wouldn’t be. But the underground grapevine is that he’s sweeping up Corellians on the downlow. That they employ torture techniques to get what they want. Han, Jacen’s actions are pissing off the Corellians more than they were before. It could devolve into a civil war at this rate. But most importantly, Jacen’s not the same person he was before Myrkr. Not even after.”

Leia didn’t want to believe it, but from what she was just told she couldn’t deny it. “He isn’t.”

“He’s different. He manipulated me and made me assassinate a world leader. He’ll do anything to get what he thinks is best.”

“Then you need to come forward, Tahiri,” Han urged her. “It’s the only way.”

“Jacen is getting more and more power…and there’s no proof that either of us did anything. I could have dreamt this up and became convinced it was reality and my word would mean the absolute same. I don’t care what happens to me, honestly, but I can’t let things get any worse.”

Leia finally allowed her emotions to wash over, “Tahiri, we can’t protect you from this.”

The young woman shook her head, “You don’t have to protect me. I told you, I need help in doing what’s right.”

Han sighed, “If there’s no proof then I suggest you never mention this again.”

Tahiri’s eyes widened, “What?”

Leia bit her lip. “Tahiri, you will most certainly get the death penalty if you ever confess and plead guilty. There’ll be no way to actually implicate Jacen in any of this unless he confesses as well. That won’t do any good, so for now, we’re asking you to let us handle this. More specifically, let us handle Jacen.”

Tahiri nodded slowly, “I- okay. Okay.”

“Do you need somewhere to sleep tonight?” Han asked her. Leia felt Tahiri’s shock and confusion at their protectiveness even now. Leia was shocked as well.

“No. No, I shouldn’t stay here,” Tahiri stood.

“Don’t run away,” Leia warned her. “You’re not off the hook, Tahiri. When the time comes, you’ll have to own up to what you did.”

Tahiri looked her in the eye, her gaze unwavering. “I know.”

When Tahiri had left, Han stared at his wife in disbelief. “I’m sceptical, Leia.”

Leia raised a brow, “You don’t believe her?”

“She’s clearly very messed up. Is there even anything as no proof?”

“Only if it never happened,” Leia answered.

“Exactly. Either she’s crazy or has some other reason for making this up.”

Leia pursed her lips in thought. “I suppose the only way to find out would be to ask Jacen.”

Han scoffed. “Do you really think he’d give us a straight answer. Tahiri’s definitely right about one thing. He’s not the same as he was before.”

“I don’t know what other choice we’d have. If Tahiri’s telling the truth we can’t make her pay for Jacen’s mistakes.”

“Maybe I just can’t believe my son would do something like that.”

Leia sighed. “I can think of a motive.”

“Yeah,” Han looked towards Allana’s bedroom, the same crestfallen expression on his face as Leia’s, “So can I.”

-

“Are you hungry?” Jag asked her as the door slid open. Jaina glared up at him as she allowed herself in.

“You hung up on me a few days ago.” Jaina pushed him back with a hand, smirking as he instinctively stepped back from her glare.

“Did I?” Jag asked, a hint of mischief in his tone. “I apologise.”

Jaina managed to maintain her intimidating gaze, “You’re not forgiven. And I don’t like to be summoned either.”

Jag, rather bravely, placed a hand on the small of her back as he led her more into his office. “Summoned? I just asked you to stop by.”

“Also known as being summoned. What is it?”

Jag placed his hands on her shoulders as he pressed her down into the seat in front of his desk. “I figured you’d want me to update you on all things pertaining to your, uh, sister.”

Jaina raised a brow, “Thin ice, Jag. You’re on it.”

“Noted. I wanted to ask you something first.”

“Go ahead.”

Jag leaned back against the desk, “What is your brother’s goal with this GAG of his?”

“Can’t you ask your best friend slash Chief of State?” Jaina retorted.

Jag scowled. “Must you always be so difficult?”

She folded her arms across her chest as she crossed her legs, “Yes. Problem?”

He gave her a fake smile, “No. But Daala and I have an arrangement purely out of convenience. It’s better not to let her know explicitly that I don’t trust her.”

“So you want intel from your girlfriend?” She returned the smile, batting her eyelashes in an exaggerated fashion. “What are you going to give me in return?”

Jag’s smile turned into a real one, “Ah, I missed your ruthless negotiating skills. I’ll tell you about what I’ve uncovered so far in the attack on the Chume’da.”

She frowned. “You should tell me about that anyway.”

“I will tell you, regardless. It’s just more fun to make it a game, don’t you think?”

Jaina’s eyes widened in mischief. “Jagged Fel, you know I have a deep drive to win everything.”

Jag smirked, “And you know I have one as well.”

Jaina laughed softly, ‘Right. You want to know my brother’s goals?”

“Yes. And what it might mean for the Empire.”

She contemplated it. The council wouldn’t like her acting as an informant for Jag…but she also wasn’t feeling as loyal to them as she had in the past. Before, she felt like the only way to make something of herself was to be the best Jedi possible, to find her role as the Sword of the Jedi. Now, she wasn’t sure exactly what she wanted. Perhaps it was growth, or even regression, she didn’t know, but she trusted Jag and knew he would never do anything that would negatively affect the galaxy.

“My brother is losing touch with his humanity,” Jaina said simply. “I really wish I could tell you more but I think he’s willing to do anything to achieve what he thinks is galactic peace.”

Jag’s hand moved to his jaw, “A lot of leaders would say the same. That doesn’t mean they're out of touch.”

“I know what I’m talking about, Jag, he seems unhinged to me. As for what it means for the Empire…I’m sure you know he has no love there, but I don’t think you should worry since you’re buddies with the Chief of State, and I hear the Senate too.”

“So, do I have to keep an eye out for Jacen Solo?’ Jag asked.

She shrugged. “Maybe? I wish I could say for sure.”

“Hmm,” he hummed, “I’m sure if anything changes you’d tell me.”

Jaina frowned. “No, actually. We’re not really on speaking terms anymore.”

“What happened?”

Her eyes avoided his, “I told you, he’s crazy. I don’t know the person currently wearing my brother’s face and I’m tired of trying to get to know him.”

Jag knelt before her. “Are you sure that’s wise? You don’t have to disown him completely.”

Jaina shook her head, “Of course you would think that. In your eyes I have my family right before me and I do everything to push them away. But I’m telling you that there’s something seriously off about Jacen and my first instinct is to run from it.’

“I don’t blame you if that’s what you think. I can’t exactly say I’m fond of him. I just want you to be sure that this is something you can live with.”

Jaina looked up and into his warm eyes. It brought a small smile to her face, “I think I could live with pretty much anything at this point. It’s not that I’m disowning him, or cutting him off for good. He’s just going down a path that I don’t want any part of it.”

“Have you told your uncle this? Surely he’d like to know what to think.”

She snorted. “Unfortunately, I don’t think anyone in my family is going to take me seriously when it comes to Jacen. It’s up to them to wake up and see it for themselves.”

Jag sat back on his heels. “What exactly do you think your brother is becoming?”

A monster? An unfeeling, ruthless being? Jaina shuddered as she imagined the possibilities. One in particular stuck out to her, an image of her brother’s face, jaw set in anger and yellow eyes filled with rage. She frowned as the image seemed to imprint on her thoughts, popping up over and over no matter how hard she tried to push it away.

The Force was showing her the future, and it never did so unless there was a purpose, a purpose that Jaina was to fulfil.

The frown returned to her face as she seemed to settle back into reality, Jag’s curious eyes boring into hers. “I don’t know…but I think whatever it is, I have to stop it.”

Jag was silent for a moment. “Possibly. Don’t jump to conclusions though.”

Jaina shook her head, “What did you uncover about the Chume’da?”

Jag grimaced. “Well, it’s nothing solid as of yet but I think I may have a suspect.”

Jaina’s eyes widened, “You _do_? Who?”

“Just a Moff who seemed to have been on board the _Bloodfin_ when he shouldn’t have been. What makes it suspicious is that I was unaware of it until I searched through the old logs. I’m sure if I look into him more I can find something even more solid.”

Jaina allowed herself a second to think things through. “Then that means it could have been a job done by someone as high up as the moffs? Jag, that’s-”

“A big deal, I know,” Jag shook his head. “But I promised the Queen Mother to follow through on her lead and that’s what I’m doing.”

Jaina took his hand into hers. “If you need my help, I’ll do anything.”

Jag gave her a small smile. “I’ll keep that in mind. Your track record of going after rogue moffs is excellent so far.”

She managed a weak smile. “I mean it, Jag.”

He looked at her carefully before nodding, “Alright. I’ll let you know if there’s anything you can do.”

Jaina nodded herself. There was a lot uncertain about the future, and whenever she tried to get a good look at it, it seemed to be shrouded in darkness, just like her uncle had asserted almost a year ago. Whatever would happen, Jaina was resolved to tackle it head on, her insecurities and troubles now firmly held in the past. What Jaina had to fear now was the reality that maybe she didn’t have the power to overcome the obstacles in the future. Perhaps, nobody did.

Even still, Jaina was sure that whatever happened she’d fight for what was right, and as she held onto Jag’s hand, feeling his comforting squeeze, she knew he would to.

If that wasn’t enough, then Jaina didn’t know what was.

-

Jacen held up his lightsabre in the face of the bound prisoner. They’d tracked the Corellian for almost a week now and at the most discreet moment, he’d managed to swoop in and take him into custody without a soul knowing.

“It would be better for you if you just confessed,” Jacen smirked at him as he sensed the man’s fear spike. An unlit lightsabre was harmless but still managed to incite enough fear in a terrorist such as the one seated before him.

Still, the man didn’t offer up anything useful. His voice trembled as he said, “I don’t know anything-“

Jacen scoffed, “Maj Zenth, you employed the man who carried out the attack on the Senate, and you are a close associate of the Corellian Prime Minister. Don’t waste time trying to deceive me.”

Zenth shook his head, “I want a lawyer, Solo. This wannabe Vader act doesn’t fool me.”

Anger flashed in Jacen’s eyes and before he could stop himself, he was sending a surge of pain through the man’s head. The scream that erupted didn’t even phase him.

“Confess to your crimes,” Jacen practically spat out between grated teeth. His anger was growing since he’d been thrust into this job- a job he took very seriously. The things he’d seen in this galaxy…he had the power to stop them, the power to remove terrorists like the lying slimebag before him.

Zenth only continued his screams. The shrieking only proved to annoy him further. A hand was on his shoulder in the next moment and he turned to see that it was his second, Lon Shevu, who was saying something to him.

“…going to die if you keep it up,” Shevu was saying. Jacen frowned as he looked back at his comrade, the worry washed over his face. He looked back to see the absolute terror that he was inflicting on the man. He was still disgusted, but a little of that disgust was directed at himself when he realised what he was doing. His hand dropped to his side and Jacen turned his back to the prisoner and faced Shevu again.

“Make sure the prisoner lives,” Jacen ordered.

“Sir?” Shevu asked, looking back at the prisoner who Jacen admitted looked as good as dead. He had the Force to know he wasn’t.

“I’m not finished with him yet.”

No, Jacen wasn't anywhere near finished with what needed to do, and he wouldn't let anyone stop him from doing so. His mind went to Allana and the things she had to see at her young age, the things other children in this galaxy were forced to see- Jacen shook his head before he felt the dark cloud looming over him take over completely. He just needed to get this done and over with, then everyone would be safe. Especially Allana.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, my obligatory apology for how long the next part is probably going to take for me to complete since summer is over and university calls. I had never expected it to get this long but certain things needed to be fleshed out and so on, but I am happy that I've managed to write over 100k in such a short space of time. No worries, though, the next part is going to be the last part of the story (however long it may be), and I have every confidence that I will get it done. Thank you for sticking around this long and I will do my very best to make sure the last part is the best, most action filled, heart wrenching, overdone piece of drama you could ever want as a conclusion.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


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